Saturday, November 24, 2007
She Sold All of Two Books Today
Oh, pardon me. The Mayan calendar states the world is ending Dec. 21, 2012, so Fantasy Author Sandy Lender only has a few years left to take over the planet as the leading fantasy author.
Anyway, the point of this post was to show that today in the life of an author/writer, Sandy stood at an art festival under a tent with several other writers, distributing information about the Naples Press Club and hearing "no" whenever she asked, "Are you a reader of fantasy?" or "Do you read fantasy?" or "Do you like Harry Potter?" etc. I suggested that tomorrow she ask people, "Do your grandchildren read books?" and go from there. That's going to be the only angle she can work with this particular crowd. I've also suggested that she dress like a fantasy author and carry the sword to get more attention. Now, you know it's bad if I'm suggesting she wear the sword...
If you'd like to check out her fantasy novel, Choices Meant for Gods, there are glowing reviews and information, including a synopsis, at her amazon page. All you have to do is hit Amazon and look up the book title when you're ordering your other gifts this season! And if your grandchildren read fantasy, you'll instantly have a hit... ;)
Tags: Choices Meant for Gods, fantasy author, Sandy Lender, J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter, Christmas gifts, Mayan calendar, December
Friday, November 23, 2007
She Wants to Buy a Bookshelf
Please note that this is the day after Thanksgiving and she's been educating me about the perils of entering a store of any kind on this day. Supposedly it's akin to going to war. But she gets on these quests... She wishes to organize her den somewhat before starting her new job Monday, and because she's going to be working at the Naples Renaissance Art Fall Festival all day tomorrow and Sunday, she feels that she either purchases a bookshelf and organizes the den today or the Earth will stop spinning on its axis and you'll all be flung into space. (OW! That was uncalled for. )
Sandy would like to express that she is not obsessive compulsive (even though she is) and that the continuance of life on this planet is not incumbent on her organizing her den today. She just wishes to get this done because she's been fretting about it for quite some time.
And that, my friends, is today in a writer's life. What's going to be insane is when she gets fussy with me and sends me away, and has to open the box from the store in the back of her car and carry each piece of the shelving unit into the apartment individually because it's too heavy for her to lift all at once by herself. See, if she'd just settle down and let me help...
Tags: fantasy author, Sandy Lender, bookshelves, writers life, Naples Renaissance Art Fall Festival
Thursday, November 22, 2007
She's Thankful For the Police
Amanda Chariss
Mother
my sister Kaylin
the recent reprieve from marketing
Of course there are other things I'm thankful for, but this blog isn't supposed to be about me. In fact, today's post about my writer's life is specifically about how pleased she is that a police officer showed up at her door at a little past 4 a.m. to check out the area because someone tried to get into her apartment. (What? Wouldn't they know you moved if they'd read your blog?)
Okay, update: Sandy no longer lives out in the swamp (another thing I'm thankful for) because the banks are foreclosing on that house in the next two weeks (oooo, now those of you who haven't bought her book over at amazon.com ought to be hanging your heads in shame!) (Hey! I'm just teasing them, don't smack me!)
Back to the topic at hand because it's interesting and had her awake for two hours: and that's not easy to do. She woke up to the sound of someone rustling around the back of the condo at 3:30. That was alarming to her, so she popped out of bed to the sound of them actually trying the back door, as if to see if it was unlocked. (My smart girl keeps all the doors locked, of course, and will be enforcing those as soon as the stores open tomorrow.) Here's where the story gets psychotic (and who wasn't expecting a psychotic twist where Sandy Lender is involved?) (OW! I swear, could you go do something else while I type this?). She pops up out of bed and grabs the medieval dagger from her dresser. Oh, yes, because who doesn't keep one of those handy in the bedroom in the year 2007? Armed with the weapon, she proceeds to turn on every light in the back part of the condo and check the lock, etc. She called a friend (yes, she does have friends in the area who would be awake and not mind a call at 3:34 a.m.) to get advice on the matter. "Call the police. You won't look like an idiot," was the verdict. "And call me back." (Of course.)
After she called the police and got back on the phone with her friend, there was a bump on the front door of the condo, which actually made her mad. It takes someone will a lot of gall, she says, to try both doors once all the lights are on and it's apparent someone is home. (Yes, Dear, I'm sure they would have been surprised to have a dagger sticking clear through their midsection.)
The good news is the police arrived - even though it took them half an hour - (Why are you singing, "I'll call a cab because a cab'll come quicker"? Nice. Will anyone else know what that is?) and checked out the area. The officer told her this is a safe area. In the year that he's been on the force, he's only had two "disturbances" to check on in this neighborhood, and he assured her that she's chosen a great, quiet place to live. He also told her that he likes Duran Duran. (What? Oh, yes, it's everywhere in your home...)
So Sandy Lender is thankful for the following:
no perps in her home this morning
her pet bird
Choices Meant for Gods
the sequel to CMFG
AsphaltPro Magazine
a place to live
Red Carpet Massacre
Nigel Taiman (aww, aren't you sweet?)
all of her friends
There's more but she's complaining about how long I'm taking to do this. I believe she'd like to use the computer. If you all have things you'd like to list that you're thankful for, please post your comments. If you'd like to support the starving author, you can get your copy of the first novel in the Choices Meant for Gods trilogy at your local Barnes & Noble tomorrow during the After Thanksgiving Day sales (I'm not entirely sure what that means, but Sandy says it's pure insanity) or from the safety of your computer at http://www.amazon.com/Choices-Meant-Gods-Sandy-Lender/dp/1595071652/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1195653204&sr=1-1.
Have a wonderful day with your family and friends around you.
All my best,
Nigel Taiman
Tags: Choices Meant for Gods, Sandy Lender, fantasy author, police, Thanksgiving, Duran Duran, Red Carpet Massacre
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
She Told Me to Get My Act Together
Here's the strangest thing about this writer's life: she can't seem to make up her mind. One minute, she's completely devoted and happy about something. The next minute, she'd rather eat nails than cook a turkey for Thanksgiving dinner. (What's that? Oh, great, I'm being called insensitive just because I don't understand how obnoxious it is to cook a meal like that for yourself. Well, be that as it may, she has a turkey and the makings of green bean...what!?...green bean casserole...whatever that is...to donate to the nearest fallout shelter or food bank. Pardon me. The nearest women's shelter or food bank. (Do you want to just type this for me?)
If you know of a place that will accept uncooked poultry the day before Thanksgiving, please hit the comment link below. She's going to lose it any minute here.
Tags: fantasy author, Sandy Lender, food bank, turkey
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
She's Dangerous With Swords

For you to properly appreciate this, let me set the scene. My fantasy author, Sandy Lender, has a friend installing a new faucet on her kitchen sink this morning while she's at work. Apparently, the landlord will never get around to this, and because Sandy's been living in the apartment since early October, the lack of a functioning kitchen has driven her almost to the point of insanity. So the friend is hooking up pipes and whatever else your society requires to get water from one point to another when, lo and behold, the need for different pipe arises. Friend A goes to Home Depot. Friend A returns. Friend A is on the phone with Sandy when it occurs to the friend that the back door of the apartment is wide open. And that just shouldn't be so.
Now, because I follow Sandy around when I think she needs inspiration, I wasn't at the apartment to watch for intruders, but now I'm starting to think I should spend a little time there during the day...watching...and perhaps warning would-be burglars that my fantasy author is having a particularly fussy autumn. And she owns sharp weapons that she would just love to stab someone with. It would be in all intruders' best interests to select other homes to break into. She's pretty miffed at the moment. The good news: the computer containing Books II and III of the Choices Meant for Gods trilogy in their various stages of development is still in its place. Friend A returned to the apartment apparently in plenty of time to scare off the perpetrator before he or she could remove anything from out in the open. Sandy will have to check on jewelry (oh...why don't you own any jewelry?) or whatever might be stashed in the apartment when she gets there tonight.
She's ready to call up Comcast and rip them a new one because they had their service technicians in her home setting up her internet connection yesterday...kasing? What's kasing? Oh. Casing the joint, she says.
The time for Book II of the Choices trilogy to go to the publisher draws near so I recommend getting your copy of Book I, Choices Meant for Gods, so you have plenty of time to read it and fall in love with my bride, the heroine, Amanda Chariss. Amanda would also deal with the intruders with something sharp and pointy. "Stab now, ask questions later," I believe is the appropriate phrase. If you'd like to read some reviews, http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?z=y&EAN=9781595071651&tabname=custreview&itm=1 has a few, but the majority are at http://www.amazon.com/Choices-Meant-Gods-Sandy-Lender/dp/1595071652/ref=dp_return_2/002-3163519-8684042?ie=UTF8&n=283155&s=books.
You can also order the book at both of those sites, but you get free shipping at the Amazon site. You can also order direct from the publisher at http://www.archebooks.com/BookIDX/Indexes/Fantasy/CMG/CMGDesc.htm.
Enjoy!
Tags: Choices Meant for Gods, Sandy Lender, fantasy author
Thursday, October 11, 2007
She's Mad Now

Doesn't my fantasy author, Sandy Lender, look nice and pleasant in this picture? Well...looks can be deceiving.
She's mad now. In fact, I think I might just step out of the way and watch what happens. You see, this blog about the life of an author is supposed to market the epic fantasy novel Choices Meant for Gods (and the upcoming sequel) and tell you about the author's life...sort of a "glimpse into a writer's life." Folks...the writer's life is in turmoil at the moment and she's not happy about it. Mostly, she's mad at herself for not planning to be miserable...she thinks she should have realized that financial hell was descending upon her and that all men abandon you in the end. I'm aware of her financial difficulties but I'm not so sure I agree that all of my half of the species is so bad... (Oh, nice, I'm not a real man!? What the deuce does THAT mean?) (In the alarming and confusing statement of the day: Sandy says I'm fabulous because I'm not real and that's one of the reasons she didn't kill me off in Book I of the Choices Meant for Gods trilogy. What on earth...)
So while she looks happy in the photo taken at her first book signing (above), you have to keep in mind that the picture was taken back in June. June 9, if I have the date right. This is October. October 11. And she's mad at several people who are going to get their butts kicked into November. And when she catches up to them next month, she just might kick their butts into December. (Funny. She wants to know if she has to pay rent on the condo if she kicks the landlord far enough into the future... That's my girl: always thinking.)
To assist her in calming down, because I think her blood pressure will have to return to normal soon or there'll be a stroke or other cardiac event taking place, those of you reading the blog could get a copy of her fantasy novel and tell her how much you enjoy it. It's available at Barnes & Noble (the store in the picture above), Borders, etc. But you can also order it online. Check out http://www.amazon.com/Choices-Meant-Gods-Sandy-Lender/dp/1595071652/ref=dp_return_2/002-3163519-8684042?ie=UTF8&n=283155&s=books to get it before they run out. There are only five copies left at the moment. (free shipping)
Tags: Choices Meant for Gods, Sandy Lender, fantasy author, fantasy novel
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
She's Fit to be Tied

First of all, it's been so long since I sat down to work on marketing with my fantasy author that I had trouble remembering the address and password for this blog. Sandy Lender suggested I begin this post with the book cover just to remind everyone that, yes, there is a fabulous epic fantasy novel called Choices Meant for Gods that she's trying to get people to purchase and read and fall in love with.
And then she walked away in a sort of daze. Or rage. One of the two. She's currently in the midst of a divorce, a move, a foreclosure, and probably about to commit homicide...none of these things seem pleasant when taken alone. I think people in your society require alcohol to handle them en masse. Oh, she's just walked through stating the electric company is getting firebombed before the week's out. Interesting...
So we're taking a poll here at Nigel Presents Sandy Lender. You see, she's upset over the amount of money she paid for her first month's rent at the condo she's moving into, yet she wasn't able to use the toilet at said condo until last night (yes, that would be the 9th day of the month) because it was out of order and she still isn't able to use the kitchen faucet at said condo because it's still out of order. She's also become irritated because she's spending more time scrubbing mold out of the refrigerator and off the blinds and vacuuming up beds of cat hair than she's spending unpacking her belongings.
So here's the poll question:
If you were moving into an apartment/condominium and the landlord had left the place in a shambles, would you request he pro-rate the second month's rent based upon the number of days the place was unlivable during the first month? Yes or no?
It comes out to $29 a day, which, in your society, starts to add up. (Yes, yes, I already mentioned the electric company.) Oh. The $29 a day really starts to add up when the landlord screws up and has the electricity disconnected instead of switched to your name so you have to pay a $220 security deposit in addition to a $15 connection fee to open a new account. (And that's the need for firebombing? I understand now. Do you want me to just go down there with a sword, dearest?)
And that's today in the life of a fantasy writer. If you'd like to help the starving artist pay next month's rent, you can pick up a copy of her novel online at Amazon.com. The direct link is http://www.amazon.com/Choices-Meant-Gods-Sandy-Lender/dp/1595071652/ref=dp_return_2/002-3163519-8684042?ie=UTF8&n=283155&s=books. You'll love the story!
Tags: Choices Meant for Gods, Sandy Lender, fantasy novel, fantasy author, writers life
Monday, September 17, 2007
She's Not Well
Turns out she has an infection that is in her kidney. She at least had the sense to go to a doctor to learn this. What surprises me is that she lied to the doctor to stay out of a hospital. So I'm in charge of watching for the symptoms that she promised she'd go back to the doctor with if she noticed them. (Why do I get the impression you'll lie to me as well?) I'm getting one of those wan smiles that means I'm being deceived. The good news is she's got medication to solve the problem. (Oh, and I have something to blog about. Nice.)
The point of this is that writers don't get to take a break because they feel "icky." If you wish to become financially solvent, you have to suck it up and finish the projects you've begun or find a different career. As her old band instructor used to say (what's a band instructor?), "no pain, no gain." He also said, "no guts, no glory." And those little truisms have taken my fantasy author far in life. (Personally, I think they should take her to bed to get some sleep, but there are two important projects to complete this evening.)
And that's a day in the life of a writer. Aren't you glad you stopped in? If you'd like to support the "becoming financially solvent" concept for fantasy author Sandy Lender, you can pick up a copy of the well-reviewed epic fantasy novel Choices Meant for Gods before the sequel hits the streets. It's available at your local book store, where you'll probably have to request/order it, and at the usual online locations. Visit http://www.amazon.com/Choices-Meant-Gods-Sandy-Lender/dp/1595071652/ref=cm_cd_t_h_dp_i/104-9089752-5140754 where you get a discount when you order both Choices Meant for Gods and Magic Bites by Ilona Andrews.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
She Was Teasing the Pterodactyl
Turns out she had given Petri, her pet bird, this dish of white pellets. Now, anyone who's been paying attention to her blogs knows that Petri hates the white pellets. You know this because I've pointed out how neurotic Sandy is for standing there picking out the white pellets before giving him his food in the mornings (as if you have time for this; just let the bird pick out the pieces he doesn't like on his own...), but she continues to do this so he doesn't have to. So today she handed him a dish full of just white pellets. Apparently, she's been saving them just for this little joke. The bird was completely bemused.
It took him a good three or four minutes of staring at the dish and dancing around it before he started throwing the pellets around the kitchen...
Sandy found it enormously funny. Petri seemed pleased with the joke, too, because he didn't bite her when she replaced it with his real food. (or he could have just been pleased at the extra treats she gave him for tolerating the abuse...not sure which)
And that's your dose of a writer's life for today. If you'd like to get her back to editing and writing instead of tormenting her bird, you could assist in the success of the first book, Choices Meant for Gods, available now at Barnes & Noble, where a new review has gone up today. Yes, the lovely and wonderful Laura Crawford posted a review that has Sandy jumping for joy...
Tags: Choices Meant for Gods, Sandy Lender, fantasy author, fantasy novel, pet bird