She's Having a You-Will-Not-Believe-This Moment

My fantasy author, Sandy Lender, was offended that some chick felt the need to preach at single people about the Valentine's Day holiday. It appears that people in this society feel obligated to intrude upon other's lives and offer advice, even when it's ridiculous, generalized and impersonal – not unlike a horoscope.

But the concept of preaching about what to do with yourself while other couples go spend copious amounts of money on fattening food and dying flowers wasn't as irritating as the insidious (and short) list the person posted. It was a mere four items of vague stuff that a 7-year-old could have come up with. Well, the 7-year-old might not have come up with all the champagne and wine, which seemed to be the focus of the list…

Anyway, someone in one of the groups that she belongs to online posted (without provocation, as far as she can tell) a list of "things to do alone on Valentine's Day". We'll just explore the final point from the list to keep you from upchucking on your computer keyboard (and to keep us from plagiarizing).

The fourth point was, essentially, this:
Sit down with a glass of wine and write a list of your goals and dreams, envisioning your life as you want it to be until you discover your wonderful, loving partner. (Nigel's Note: Sandy says that because the best way to set goals for yourself is while in an alcoholic stupor this is obviously the best advice from the column.)

Sandy suggests there should have been a fifth tip involving self-love, but I don't understand why it involved buying stock in Duracell or Energizer. I don't know what those things are, or why they're important. Or why she's laughing about it while I type.

Now, Sandy is one of the most cynical women I know, but when she saw this yesterday, she just about came unglued by its idiocy. It's not just laughable, she said. It's stupid. She thinks it was just some chick's attempt at getting the word Valentine out on the blogosphere to up her status on the search engines or something ridiculous like that. If she had time to sit around drinking wine and reading romance novels (other ideas on the list), she'd do it on a day when she didn't have to then go out to dinner with single friends (also on the list). Her single friends are as cynical as she is, by the way. They whisper things like "Run!" and "Oh, you'll be sorry," to movie screens when the man is proposing to the woman.

What I find intriguing about this is Sandy has a date for Valentine's Day, so I'm not sure why she's still so cynical…other than the whole "men just suck" attitude she's adopted for life. I find it endearing in an odd sort of way. I prefer her uninterested in the opposite sex because it gives more time to my writing demands. And I can be fairly demanding. I think the lady who wrote the "what to do alone on Valentine's Day" list should have a demanding muse visit her and keep her from doing any more vague services for society.

Happy Valentine's Day to all of you...
Tags: Valentine's Day, fantasy author, Sandy Lender

She's Decided Men are Obsolete

This does not bode well for me, but she said I can be an exception because Chariss likes me so well. Nice. This "announcement" of hers came about because she used one of those round, flat, rubber things to open a jar. Seemed uneventful to me. But she was preoccupied with the jar and not listening to the things I was telling her to include in Book III of the Choices Meant for Gods trilogy, so I was paying attention to what she was doing. Anyway, she popped the lid open, tossed the rubber pad thing onto the counter, and looked at me as if she had some earth-shattering idea. I assumed we were on our way into the writing den. (That's usually what those looks mean.) No. She announces, in this matter-of-fact tone, "Men are obsolete."

"What?" I replied.

So she's decided that women no longer need men for anything, including, it appears, the opening of jars. I understand that your society has ways of making children without men's assistance as well, which boggles my mind; something about needles and clones, if you can believe that. She says that as soon as she buys stock in Duracell, she can just start running men down in traffic. (I don't get it.) I anticipate she'll be in jail by the end of the day.

Tags: Choices Meant for Gods, men are obsolete