Thursday, August 30, 2007

She Has Clothes Everywhere

The house looks like a tornado ripped through. You all should see this. I'm not sure if she's packing to go to DragonCon or if she's had some sort of seizure that involved throwing the contents of her closet across all flat surfaces... This is almost as bad as when she's planning to go to a Duran Duran concert somewhere. (I said almost; there was a qualifier...oooh, she's also fussy...)

So my fantasy author, Sandy Lender, is preparing to leave town for DragonCon, and, as her spokesperson, I thought it fitting I should tell the world what promotional and marketing ramifications this has on the sales of her epic fantasy novel Choices Meant for Gods.

None. She's wasting her money going to a four-day party. (I've just been assaulted.)

All right. I'll be a bit more charitable. Sandy Lender will be promoting her novel while at this event, but, because she's not speaking on any panels or doing any readings, she feels that the trip is going to be very expensive (financially speaking) for the gain she'll get out of it. No one knows who she is yet, and she's not sure how much that fact will change during the show. What she's excited about is the after-the-show press. You see, she's working with the administrators of to cover the event (and when you ask her about that she starts prattling about journalism and news reporting and things I barely grasp, so it's best not to ask too many questions along that thread of thought) and she has a couple of web sites that wish to carry stories about her experience at the convention afterward, so she sees potential for exposure after-the-show. This makes her feel somewhat better about the outlay of cash upfront.

And she really is looking forward to carrying a sword around for four days. (I keep telling you it's not all fun and excitement. Do you even know how to swing...) I would like to suggest that no one stand within four feet of her if she's got it out. And if you'd like to read an interview about her level of sanity, just to reinforce my point here, you can visit That went live Monday.

And if you want to pick up a copy of Choices Meant for Gods prior to the convention, only has three copies in stock at the moment, although we understand they've ordered more. You can get a copy from her publisher's site at pretty easily. Or if you'll be at DragonCon this weekend, you can pick up a copy more cheaply and without shipping fees from her dealer table, A98.

Have a lovely holiday weekend.

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Monday, August 27, 2007

She's Cured me of Sleeping on Her Couch

I was jarred awake by the ear-splitting screech of the spider scream this morning. Just because I know what the particular pitch of that scream indicates doesn't make it any easier to be ripped from deep sleep with. It was a particularly large wolf spider. And my fantasy author, Sandy Lender, was particularly close to it when she noticed it. Hence the healthy-lung volume...

So now she has a dilemma. See, the carcass is curled up, still wet with bug her shower. This amuses me because she has this "thing" about leaving the carcasses for at least 24 hours (yes, she's OCD) to be sure it's completely dead before she gathers it up and throws it in the trash. But she can't use the shower until she gets rid of this thing. I've already suggested she use the guest shower, where her former significant other used to bathe, but she wrinkled her nose up at that. And she can't just rinse this thing down the drain. (I'm sure I've mentioned that the wolf spiders out here in the swamp get quite large? Oh, and she's adding in that this thing is enormous.)

Anyway, she's figuring out what to do with the body and I'm figuring out where I'll sleep from now on that won't be within scream-range. My nerves are shot for the day.

And speaking of the day, I'll be spending it coming up with marketing ideas for her DragonCon expedition at the end of the week. Those of you attending can meet her at the Dealer Room just about any time of day. She'll be pretty much chained to a table there pushing the fantasy novel, Choices Meant for Gods. If you're not attending, you can pick up the book at Amazon, where they're running low of copies at the moment, or at her publisher's site at

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Thursday, August 23, 2007

She Picked a Great Color

I don’t know much about color therapy, but it’s a buzzword I’ve heard come out of Sandy’s mouth more than once. If I grasp the concept correctly, it’s the use of color to ease mood or set tone in one’s life. Some people go so far as to purport color schemes can correct dysfunctions in body makeup to relieve pain or set irrational behaviors to right. (Wait a minute, I think she’s going to censor something here…for pity’s sake. I was educated at a school for Geasa’n, you know. I’m not going to write like an idiot. There’s nothing wrong with what I have here. You underestimate the audience.)

As I was going to say before she interrupted me, she selected a great color for Amanda Chariss. See, Amanda is a Protector (What? I’m not going to give anything from the plot away.) in the fantasy novel Choices Meant for Gods, and lavender is, according to one of the texts I’ve read, a color for protection. It’s also a color for spiritual intention or involvement, and, let me tell you, I’d like to get Mandy involved with me spiritually, if you know what I mean. (Oh, come on, don’t tell me this audience isn’t on board with that. Amanda will never read this. She doesn’t like this computer business or I’d have you nipping Abigail’s blog in the bud right now.)

Back to color therapy. Purple and violet, the colors that remind me of Amanda’s eyes and the gem she’s carried on her cheek since birth are power colors. Sandy is going to talk about this on her blog at with writer Pamala Oslie, author of Love Colors, today. Pamala writes in her book that people with lavender auras are fragile, sensitive, spiritual, gentle and creative. Some of the other attributes of people with lavender auras don’t really apply to Amanda because I’d never consider her disorganized and I’ve never seen her unable to work or be responsible. The woman is (What? Oh, come on, the people reading this expect me to extol her merits; I’m in love with her.)… Fine.

Sandy, on the other hand, is a strong violet and a strong green. She took this little test in the Oslie book and it was stunning how strong those two auras turned out to be. But when we read the characteristics of people with violet and green auras…well…it was obvious.

Violets, according to Oslie, are charismatic (check), are often the center of attention (check), are passionate about art, causes, saving the planet (check), love music or are involved in music (check), are performers, writers or artists (check), are self-employed or in positions of leadership (check), communicate in ways that inspire and motivate others (check), have a sense of urgency as if they’re running out of time to complete goals (check), have strong desires to travel (check), multi-task (check), care about animals (check), have strong emotions (check), become bored with meaningless chatter (check), can intimidate others (check), are easily bored in relationships (extreme check), etc.

Greens, according to Oslie, seem to always be in a hurry (check), talk quickly (check), finish other people’s sentences for them (check) (yes you do), are highly intelligent (usually), are highly competitive (check), drive expensive cars (well, she wants a BMW Alana or a Corvette, which I understand are both expensive, but she’s more interested in the hood…what does that mean?), own at least one expensive home (check, but does it count if the bank is foreclosing on it? OW!), frequently ask how? (check), want to know the point or end of the story and don’t seem interested in the details (check), speak their minds, no matter whom it may offend (check), need to be in control (extreme check), has more than one degree (I’m not clear on this one), are stubborn and strong-willed (extreme check).

So, as you can see, Sandy Lender fits the violet and green auras perfectly. She also had strong blue, yellow and red auras, but she said if I list off any of the red characteristics in a public forum like this, she’d do something violent in the text she’s working on in Book III so…I bow to her wishes. (But you all are welcome to e-mail me privately. She’s not here all the time, you know.)

I think I’ve lost the point of this entire article. Oh, yes, she selected good color auras for characters in Choices Meant for Gods. There’s actually quite a lot of symbolism in that fantasy novel if people pay attention and watch for it. She says it’s the English major coming out in her. Whatever that means…

So pop over to The Dragon and check out the interview with Pam Oslie today at for more information and to ask Pam some questions.

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Monday, August 20, 2007

She Got to Help Another Lizard

This time she didn't actually see the lizard, but some guy at the pet store was buying crickets to feed his new pet (a tegu, she says) and the fellow had not been educated on what to do. So now you get to hear/read another bizarre story about the fantasy writer's life.

Sandy Lender was standing in line to buy treats for the incredibly spoiled bird that lives in this house with her, and the fellow must have felt like an idiot for buying a bag of crickets and a bag of goldfish because he felt the need to explain himself. She empathized. She's been there before...buying crickets for a lizard back's probably where the dragon fixation comes from. Anyway, the fish were NOT for a water turtle, which she thought was a logical followup question to ask. Now, tell me, how many normal people out there assume people at the pet store are buying goldfish to feed to a water turtle?

The way she figures she helped the lizard is by her next question about "dusting" the crickets. She actually asked him, "do you dust them before you feed them to the tegu?" Complete look of confusion on the guy's face. So she explained the importance of calcium powder without phosphorus and suggested he could put the crickets in a container with half an orange overnight so the little insects could fill up on all those nutrients before being fed to the lizard. This stuff is insane. Think about it for a minute. Now, the guy took her word for it without her having to explain that she used to serve on the board of the Kansas City Herpetological Society. And he stepped out of line to go get a container of calcium powder. So she feels she did her civic duty for some little reptile out there this evening.

I think she should do her civic duty for my bride's story and get the second book off to the publisher here. We're nearly done with the edits I have in mind. If you all haven't already picked up the first book, Choices Meant for Gods, I recommend you grab it at your local book store or from Amazon soon so you have time to digest it (like a calcium-dusted cricket, she says) before the second book arrives. It's available at

And now I have to stop typing because she has something else she wants me to post and she's not going to stop pestering me until I take care of it.

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She Says This is My Song

And I have to agree that it has a certain romance to it that fits Amanda and me quite well. That actually puzzles me because my fantasy author, Sandy Lender, is constantly telling me to downplay the romantic angle of the book Choices Meant for Gods on this blog. It's an epic fantasy novel, not a romance novel. (But I beg to differ. And I'm the muse, so I'm calling the shots around here during editing of Book II, thank you very much.)

So here's "my song," sappy as it is.

I Was Brought to My Senses
by Sting (And what kind of name is that for a recording artist? Isn't that a verb?)

Alone with my thoughts this evening
I walked on the banks of Tyne
I wondered how I could win you
Or if I could make you mine
Or if I could make you mine
The wind it was so insistent
With tales of a stormy south
But when I spied two birds in a sycamore tree
There came a dryness in my mouth
Came a dryness in my mouth
For then without rhyme or reason
The two birds did rise up to fly
And where the two birds were flying
I swear I saw you and I
I swear I saw you and I

I walked out this morning
It was like a veil had been removed from before my eyes
For the first time I saw the work of heaven
In the line where the hills had been married to the sky
And all around me
Every blade of singing grass
Was calling out your name
And that our love would always last
And inside every turning leaf
Is the pattern of an older tree
The shape of our future
The shape of all our history
And out of the confusion
Where the river meets the sea
Came things I'd never seen
Things I'd never seen

I was brought to my senses
I was blind but now that I can see
Every signpost in nature
Said you belong to me
I know it's true
It's written in a sky as blue
As blue as your eyes
As blue as your eyes
If nature's red in tooth and claw
Like winter's freeze and summer's thaw
The wounds she gave me
Were the wounds that would heal me
And we'd be like the moon and sun
And when our courtly dance had run
Its course across the sky
Then together we would lie
And out of the confusion
Where the river meets the sea
Something new would arrive
Something better would arrive
I was brought to my senses
I was blind but now that I can see
Every signpost in nature
Said you belong to me
I was brought to my senses
I was blind but now that I can see
Every signpost in nature
Said you belong to me...

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Sunday, August 19, 2007

She Took a Seven-Hour Nap

I don't know how common this issue of migraines is in your society, but my fantasy author deals with it from time to time, and today she had to deal with it. She has what she calls "heart-stopping medication" that usually solves the migraine issue, so her quality of life has improved immeasurably since beginning this medication. Sounds ridiculous, if you ask me. But her absence from the computer gave me time to prepare some information for all of you.

First, I've registered the blog with The Truth Laid Bear site. This means stray people looking for a site about writers will see this one registered there and might come stumbling over to read about Fantasy Author Sandy Lender. And won't that be nice as a marketing tool? There are a couple other sites similar to that that I've registered with as well, but I'm awaiting confirmation and approval, etc.

Anything we can do to spread the word about the fantasy novel Choices Meant for Gods is a good thing. And one of the things we've done is announce several contest winners over at Today the Dragon Wins. You can access that at She's got another contest she's putting together so if you didn't get in on these, don't fret. There'll be other opportunities to win strange things related to Choices Meant for Gods.

And now I'm off to feed her crackers. It's the only thing she can keep in her stomach today.

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Tuesday, August 14, 2007

She Let Henry Get in Over His Head

As usual.
And I'm laughing about it. I had no part in the interview over at Friends of Dragons today. But Henry just about got himself in trouble with a woman twice his "level," if you know what I mean. Visit to read the interview with Morgan from Charlene Leatherman's Prophecy of Vithan.

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Saturday, August 11, 2007

She Hasn't Repressed This One, Careless Memory #5

A Glimpse into a Writer's Life

When my fantasy author, Sandy Lender, was in high school, she watched the James Bond movie On Her Majesty's Secret Service. Yes, it was a little late in life to be introduced to the James Bond series, she tells me, but she doesn't want to air all that in a public forum. More repression.

Believe it or not, I am familiar with the James Bond series because Sandy's a wee bit obsessed with it and she says I get to take on a few of the spy's characteristics in Book III of the Choices Meant for Gods trilogy. I can only imagine... She's very fond of Roger Moore, while I'm keen on Pierce Brosnan's portrayal of the character. Turns out she was very pleased with Pierce as well, but found herself unable to look at him the same way after he came up out of his bondage in Die Another Day looking like the popular depictions of Jesus Christ (yes, your God). She says she just can't lust after him any longer. And I just can't continue that thread of thought any longer.

This memory is of her watching On Her Majesty's Secret Service (which is her favorite of the Bond films, even if it doesn't have Roger or a Duran Duran theme song affiliated with it). It was not a school night or she wouldn't have been allowed to watch the movie all the way to the end. She had an insanely early bedtime on school nights (which is probably why you're predisposed to staying up until 3 and 4 a.m. now). I'm sure everyone reading this is familiar with the ending of that movie. The first time Sandy saw it, she was stunned. No happy ending? The countess dies? She was "floored," as she puts it. It was a sort of turning point for her. She realized then (and I find this disconcerting) that stories don't have to have a happy ending. She was intrigued by the idea that a disturbing ending where the bad guy "wins" or at least comes away with a "draw" can be THAT compelling.

I don't like the way she thinks.

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Friday, August 10, 2007

She Wishes You a Happy Duran Duran Appreciation Day

My fantasy author, Sandy Lender, is one of the biggest Duran Duran fans you'll ever meet. She's been obsessed for 23 years. Imagine that.

Today is (officially; this is real) Duran Duran Appreciation Day so she would like to celebrate with all of you. If you go to,,20038840_20038841_20047913,00.html you can hear the new song that the band has prepared in collaboration with an artist known as Timbaland (and I can't believe I just typed that) and another artist Sandy's obsessed with known as Justin Timberlake. The song is called Nite Runner and she wants me to (I'm not typing that. I don't care. That is in no way related to marketing.)

While listening to all the new Duran tunes you find around the web, you could also be reading Sandy Lender's epic fantasy novel, Choices Meant for Gods. (See, that's related to marketing, Sweetheart.) You can pick up the novel at

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Thursday, August 9, 2007

She Chased this Lizard Around

You readers out there really have to help me get the word out about Sandy's book so more people buy it so she can start earning big royalty checks or something. Somehow, we've got to get her moved out of the swamp. Today, she opens the front door, steps back to wait for whatever might be lurking to show itself (and, yes, things do actually "show themselves" sometimes when she opens the front door - remember the wolf spiders out here?), and fixes her attention on this small black streak at the floor. Sure enough - lizard. This tiny black lizard darted in.

So she set all her stuff down and chased the lizard around the living room until she caught him and tossed him out into the swamp. What I found most amusing about the scene was the sigh of resignation as she set all her stuff on the couch. It was a very small lizard so she feared bruising his body when she picked him up. My suggestion that she just grab his tail got me a lecture on how stressed-out lizards drop their tails and thus lose their fat stores and have to expend energy regrowing the tail, so she didn't want to risk picking him up by his tail, either.

Ridiculous, if you ask me. The poor thing is probably still sitting under a rock in shock anyway...

If you'd like to support the "Get Sandy Lender Out of the Swamp Fund", you can purchase her epic fantasy novel Choices Meant for Gods at, where you can also read some excellent reviews of it.

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Wednesday, August 8, 2007

She Started a Blog for Readers

If you enjoy test-driving (and I've no idea what that means) your material before spending your hard-earned cash on new books, check out

This new site features new works from authors who write in a variety of genres, from poetry to non-fiction to memoirs to sci-fi/fantasy to young adult to slasher/horror, anything you want to try out will find its home at From the Start over the next few months. Site administrator Sandy Lender is taking submissions from authors now to post new "first chapters" so readers can review material before making buying decisions.

Stop by and sign up for automatic feeds so you'll always know when new material has been posted for your reviewing enjoyment.

All my best,

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She Gets Messages About Turtles

I find it amusing that my fantasy author, Sandy Lender, receives updates about turtles she doesn't know. There is a charming young woman named Laura Crawford who lives in the northern regions of your country who sent a note to Sandy about a sizable snapping turtle that safely crossed the road. The note mentioned some smaller turtles that made it across a road as well, and Sandy told me this is great news.

Turns out Sandy has pictures in her photo albums of stray, random, wild turtles that her friends have picked up off the road and photographed specifically to send evidence to her that the little reptiles made it safely from one side to the other. Isn't that bizarre? But she seems thrilled to pieces over it, so, what can you do? I think it's one more bit of evidence that she's not quite right in the head, if you know what I mean.

That's a writer for you. Eccentric.

The other messages she gets usually come from sea turtle conservationists. She has a collection of sea turtle images because the Turtle Time volunteers are constantly photographing nests and nesting females and turtle tracks and babies rushing over sand dunes to get to the Gulf. They are remarkable little creatures...

So maybe she's not completely out of her mind to collect these images and to care that these creatures stay safe. But I still find it a little odd.

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Sunday, August 5, 2007

She's Got Two Problems

One is more serious than the other.

My fantasy author, Sandy Lender, hasn't seen the "cute" (her description, not mine) corn snake out by the front porch for several days now. But what she saw when she got home this afternoon about stopped her heart. She said it was ironic to find a cottonmouth snake on her property mere hours after watching a couple of snake handlers display one at the zoo. I asked her if she killed it and her response (and, yes, I suggested she seek psychiatric treatment) was "you can't just kill some poor critter that's minding its own business out in its natural habitat; he's not getting in here."

Now the other problem is of the non-venomous variety. She's got frog eggs in the guest bathroom commode that she refuses to flush away. She doesn't venture into that room since the individual that she wouldn't let me stab left, so there's no telling how long they've been in there. And there's no telling whether they've been fertilized because she only found one frog - and let's face it - as I've heard in your television programming, it takes two to tango. The little boy frogs have to actually touch the eggs or however it works here. Anyway, she's worried about prospective buyers coming to the house and seeing messy frog stuff there. I suggested a sign on the back of the commode: "Creating Life in Progress." She didn't seem to appreciate that...

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She Hasn't Repressed This One, Careless Memory #4

A Glimpse into a Writer's Life

Sometime within the past couple of years, some sort of family gathering occasioned Sandy Lender, my fantasy author, to be among a number of extended relatives. For some reason, one of them asked the question (and I'm paraphrasing because I wasn't there and Sandy doesn't remember it word-for-word) "what was your best birthday party from your childhood?" Well, Sandy thought on that for about two seconds and announced "the one where a bunch of my friends were invited to Sloppy Joe's!"

Everyone stared at her as if she were crazy.

Now, as Sandy told the story to me, I thought, of course your relatives thought you were crazy; who in all of Onweald would consider a place named "Sloppy Joe's" to be a favorite anything? But, as it turns out, they stared at her in wonder because she was never taken to Sloppy Joe's for her birthday.

In other words, she's insane.

As luck would have it, the memory of a bunch of her friends sitting at Sloppy Joe's (turns out this is a restaurant of some nature where the "chef" serves this bizarre type of hamburger that falls apart very easily—hence the name "sloppy," which is probably what appealed to the child in her) eating bizarre food and playing bizarre games was accurate, but it was someone else's birthday. Her father was annoyed that her favorite birthday memory was from someone else's party. I think that just goes to prove that she's repressed too much…

What about the rest of you? Any favorite birthday memories you want to share? There's a comment field here you can use.

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Saturday, August 4, 2007

She had a Surreal Moment on Sea Turtle Patrol

If any of you read Sandy Lender's blog over at, you know that she has a section of beach that she walks on Saturday mornings checking on sea turtle activity with the group Turtle Time. She's very much a fan of Archie Carr, and while I have no idea who that is, I'm certain I'll be getting a full education as soon as I'm done with this post. (You know how she is...)

So today, at the end of her walk, a fellow and his fishing buddy approached her to ask a question about one of the nests, if there were any new nests, etc. Toward the end of the conversation, the fellow said that he had met her a year or so ago when she and her husband (and why do even I shudder at that reference now?) were assisting with one of the nest excavations. The guy proceeded to relate that she had just moved to the area (slight time-line confusion, but who's counting?) and was helping with the Turtle Time group, etc. Now, Sandy found this extremely odd. See, she didn't recognize this guy. She had no clue who he was when she started talking to him. She wants to know how a person randomly recognizes another after more than a year of absence after only one meeting over a turtle nest. She needs to learn this secret because she's terrible with such things (as evidenced by her inability to recognize this person this morning).

Oh, I've been reminded to give the sea turtle report. There were no new nests today and neither of the two that are close to "ready" in her zones hatched last night. She did, however, spend some time filling in the ghost crab holes near the nests that are ready to hatch in hopes that the crabs will be frustrated by the harrassment and will move away before the babies make their run for the Gulf. (Apparently, ghost crabs like to grab and eat baby sea turtles so Sandy likes to encourage the crabs to leave the area.)

That's all for the fantasy writer's life today. You can still get her fabulous fantasy novel at

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Friday, August 3, 2007

She's Bipolar Now

I think it's official. The woman...

She wanted me to post an article about the surprise Top 10 List that the lovely EM Sky posted on her blog yesterday. I'll get to that in just a moment. First, I must tell you that I went to to check the link to include at the end of this article so you'd know how to pick up your own copy of Sandy Lender's fantasy novel. I just wanted to make it easier for everyone. Looking at the myriad numbers and images on the page, I noticed that her ranking had changed (it changes every hour when the computers at Amazon update the overall sales reports of the site). Silly me. What was I thinking announcing that? I said the number 138,562 and she nearly accosted me. (Yes, accosted is the right word. You practically strangled me.)

Anyway, the fantasy author Sandy Lender knows good and well that number means nothing. She's researched it. But when you're a new author just getting to know the system, seeing your ranking jump from 830,+++ to 138,+++ in a day is pretty doggone exciting. She'd like to thank EM Sky. Not only did Ms. Sky run a positive and glowing review of Choices Meant for Gods Tuesday night of this week with her Wet Ink publication (which you all can subscribe to through this link), but yesterday she posted a Top 10 List of valuable life lessons she learned from reading the novel. You can read this entertaining list at

Once you've been fully amused, click over to Amazon to get your copy this evening.

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