Tuesday, May 29, 2007

She's Not Paying Attention

She's still at the office, waiting for instructions or something, even though it's after hours and she ought to be in traffic on her way back here. But tonight is Tuesday and she has a dancing class, if you can believe that, so I'm going to just post all kinds of information and see what I can get away with. How does that sound to all you visitors? See, I fully believe an author's journal should be about the author's life, don't you think? She's doing all these interviews during her Choices Meant for Gods Online Book Tour in which she's all staid and prim and proper and "oh, I'm this professional fantasy author with a professional fantasy novel." I'll agree with her on that point, but you all don't get to see the other side of Sandy Lender when she's putting on that front. She's not all Old English themes and Anglo-Saxon broad-swords and "good literature is meant to educate and entertain." By the gods, she gave that answer for an interview for later in the week and I thought I was going to come unglued. Good literature is meant to educate and entertain? That's straight out of one of her English classes in college, you know. She told me so.

So here's something you never would have learned about my fantasy author without me: She takes a belly dancing class on Tuesday nights where she's learning how to wiggle around like some middle eastern woman in veils and whatever. It's lunacy. First of all, she doesn't have time for this, no matter what she says about "taking time for oneself." Second, if she's going to do this...well...I think she should teach Amanda. I mean...every woman should have these moves in her arsenal. I just have to keep Henry from learning of it or he'll be drooling all over the place. He's a difficult one to keep in check sometimes. Speaking of...I should see how his character interviews are coming along.

Thank you all for indulging me this evening. It's rather lonely here when my author is off at work.

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Monday, May 28, 2007

She Goes Blogging on Tour

This title may seem obvious, but let me explain. Sandy Lender has a particularly intriguing stop on the Choices Meant for Gods Online Book Tour this week. Her first four days are the expected interview stops for a blog tour, but Friday, June 1, she makes her debut at BloggingAuthors.com. This is a website presence that keeps her online for the month of June. Host of BloggingAuthors.com, Nancy Hendrickson will post an interview and two book reviews of fantasy author Sandy Lender and fantasy novel Choices Meant for Gods, respectively, during the month of June. I'd like to personally thank Nancy for her work with this web service because it appears to be an intricate networking tool for authors that could link them to some major news outlets. Sandy seems pleased with the potential.

For those of you interested in reading and participating in the varied interviews Sandy granted for the hosts this week, please stop by any or all of these sites.

Monday http://marjo-mumswritings.blogspot.com
Tuesday http://thebookpedler.wordpress.com/
Wednesday www.myspace.com/charleneleatherman
Thursday http://overthehillchick.blogspot.com/
Friday http://www.bloggingauthors.com/

The next scheduled author chat is set for June 28 at http://www.cassidymckay.com/ and both Sandy and I will provide you more details as those become available.

To see Sandy live, you can attend her book signing event at the Barnes & Noble in the Waterside Shops in Naples, Fla., Saturday, June 9, from 2 to 4 p.m. The contest that day will be to win a replica of my brother Jorin's training sword. If you can't make it to the signing, you can get your copy of Choices Meant for Gods at http://www.amazon.com/Choices-Meant-Gods-Sandy-Lender/dp/1595071652/ref=dp_return_1/104-9089752-5140754?ie=UTF8&n=283155&s=books&qid=1175821346&sr=8-1.

We hope to see you at some of the online book tour stops this week.

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Sunday, May 27, 2007

She Doesn't Usually Startle that Easily

But I think I caught my fantasy author falling asleep at the wheel. Sandy Lender was sitting at a traffic light, which is when she prefers me to appear with an idea for the sequels to Choices Meant for Gods because it lessens the chances of her driving into a ditch (or into another vehicle). So I drift in, notice that she's not paying attention, lean over to the driver's side of the vehicle, and quietly say, "Hey, are you awake?" I swear, she jumped a good foot in the air.

Oh…she's not just censoring this…Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a guest blogger at Nigel Presents Sandy Lender today. Take it away…

Good morning. I apologize for usurping the blog, but I have to explain this one. I'm sure Nigel has stated that he's my muse, and he appears with ideas for me all the time. He appeared with a fantastic idea to use in Book III while I was sitting in traffic, but I wasn't really "awake" and he startled me. So, yes, I reacted when this idea came into my head, and I'm sure the other drivers thought I was nuts, jumping and flailing my arms about as if someone had pinched me, scrambling for my notebook and pen to get everything down on paper before it left me. But, for any ladies reading the blog today, can you really blame me for reacting sharply when the sultry Nigel Taiman leans over and whispers in my ear? Good Lord.

Ahhh…I have nothing more to say on that subject…
I'll post information on the Choices Meant for Gods Online Book Tour next. (No, men do not blush. You're imagining things.)

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Saturday, May 26, 2007

She's Taking the Day Off

Fantasy Author Sandy Lender is taking a nap. Believe it or not, it's the middle of the day, Saturday, May 25, and she's had all she can do for the week. The Choices Meant for Gods Online Book Tour is going very well, and I'm as proud as I can be of everyone involved. Let me give some much-needed credit to the first five tour hosts so far:

Michelle Weston of www.booksoffbroadway.blogspot.com
Jamieson Wolf of www.jamiesonwolf.blogspot.com
Marcus Williford of http://willifordblog.com
Marilyn Morris of www.sabbathsroom.blogspot.com
Alison Kent of www.alisonkent.com/blog

These five individuals have been instrumental in making Sandy's online book tour a smashing success so far. From cross-posting to e-mail messages to comments on blogs to a contest winner to a fascinating author chat Wednesday night to impromptu discussion in writers' groups to cut-and-pasted interviews on other sites, this tour is generating remarkable interest for Sandy Lender, Choices Meant for Gods, and the hosts who have volunteered their time and "space" to be co-promoters so far. I look forward to posting next week's valuable co-promoters in an article tomorrow. (And may I just state that I didn't think an online book tour would be worth the effort until Sandy got it off the ground? This is remarkable.)

So it's a joy to see her exhausted for good marketing purposes, but I'm sorry to say this means she's not writing at the moment, but passed out on top of her bed looking like something I pulled up off the beach. Oh, wait, I did pull her up off the beach. That's where I found her this morning doing her weekly sea turtle patrol. I guess that's part of "taking the day off." And because she's in there asleep, I won't get censored if I tell you more than she deems appropriate. Personally, I think the point of an author blog or author journal is to let you, the reader, learn more about the author. That's a little difficult if the only thing I'm allowed to tell you is the size of the spiders she kills...

She would probably be pleased to announce that she's lined up additional dates on the blog tour/online book tour and will be posting those at www.todaythedragonwins.blogspot.com each week as relevant. I'll post them here as well.

Now I believe I'll track down Henry and find out when he plans to get his blog under control.

All my best,
Nigel Taiman

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Thursday, May 24, 2007

She's Made This Day All About Amanda

And I think that's great.

You see, Amanda Chariss is my bride-to-be, and I think she's the most amazing woman to grace my world...or this world...or any world Sandy Lender could come up with. I refer to this incredible woman by her given name (or some derivative thereof - like Mandy or 'Manda), but, for the sake of this post and consistency, I'll try to remember to call her Chariss, as everyone else does, for the duration of this article (you are calling these posts articles, aren't you? Yes, Sandy would like me to call this an article. )

Today at www.todaythedragonwins.blogspot.com, also referred to as The Dragon, our fantasy author posted Amanda Chariss as the Word of the Day, explaining how she came up with 'Manda's names for the fantasy novel Choices Meant (what? oh...sorry) explaining how she came up with Chariss's name for the fantasy novel Choices Meant for Gods. She begins the entry with a definition of sorts, describing my bride in a woefully short and inadequate quip before giving the history of her name. (I hesitate to call it etymology...) Let me use this opportunity to expand on Chariss's description.

Sandy correctly implied that Mandy arrived at the Arcanan estate a bit more "timid" than she needed to be. The woman is power incarnate as far as I can tell, yet she takes some convincing in that area from time to time. It's as if she refuses to believe she's as great as she truly is. Sandy described her as strong, independent, and compassionate. Yes, she is all of these things. But she is also lovely, graceful, caring, kind, and all-around incredible. Chariss can tell a story that makes you laugh right up until the end when she suddenly yanks the rug out from under you, and you literally feel your heart crashing through your ribcage as you fall flat on the floor, ready to weep over the sorrow in her voice. She can light up an entire room like the noon day suns streaming in the windows of the estate with this amazing smile she's got. And when she teases you with some snide little smart remark, she gets this twinkle in her eye that sets the lavender in them to sparkling so that it accents the amethyst on her cheek.

I swear, she's the most beautiful woman I've ever set eyes on. I just can't tell you...

Yet, with all that grace and beauty and that smile that can practically knock me from my feet...and I mean it hits me square in the chest sometimes...when I'm not expecting her to turn it on me...wow... Yet, with all this grace wrapped up in this beautiful woman, she is lethal beyond compare. I've never seen a man, let alone a woman, draw a sword and have it against an enemy's neck as fast as she does. She can assess a threat and dispatch justice in the blink of an eye. I don't know how the Ungol trained her to use a bow and arrow as quickly as they did, but I don't ever want her pointing one of those things at me. I'll stay on her good side!

Oh, Sandy says I'm rambling. (What? I do not look like a lost puppy.) Well, before my fantasy author taunts me any further, I suppose I should end the "description" portion of my article and let you all know where you can hear/read more about my lovely bride. Today, Sandy Lender appeared at www.sabbathsroom.blogspot.com, which is run by her friend Marilyn Morris. Marilyn asked some great questions and one of the followup questions from Jamieson Wolf dealt with female protagonists in fantasy literature. I agree with both Jamieson and Sandy that strong female characters are intriguing and I hope to see more of them in the fantasy genre of the future. And since Sandy is so distracted with marketing, why, I'll be around for decades helping her market as the remainder of the Choices Meant for Gods trilogy is released. (Hey, I'm just callin' it as I see it. Hm? I got that phrase from you. I agree, I've been in this society too long. You can send me back to 'Manda at any time you wish, my dear.)

Be sure to stop by www.alisonkent.com/blog tomorrow, Friday, May 25, to read not an interview, but the fun little story of Sandy's pitch session that got the contract for Choices Meant for Gods. There's even commentary from her publisher included.

Have a lovely evening, and, if you're so inclined, lovely dreams of Amanda Chariss.

Nigel Taiman

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Wednesday, May 23, 2007

She's On Tour

Well, she's out and about. My post Sunday didn't "take" so I failed to update you all on... (What? Well, I did fail to let them know.) Oh, isn't that kind? Sandy tells me it's not my failure but the blog's if my post didn't upload. Well, be that as it may, here's the more current schedule for the Choices Meant for Gods Online Book Tour. Sandy Lender is staying busy bringing you all information about my bride's story.
I think that's just fine.
Today's tour stop is an online author chat at http://willifordblog.com and it starts at 9 p.m. eastern, so (What? What does 'hop to it' mean? Well, why did you say it if I can't tell them to hop to it? Just let me type this. I know what I'm doing.) The chat should be entertaining because I can tell she's in a "mood." She was talking about vampires with some paranormal romance people earlier.
As you can see, the first two dates of the online book tour are past, but I want to include them in this post so you can see the hosts who were so kind as to support Sandy Lender and the epic fantasy novel Choices Meant for Gods in this promotional push. A few of the hosts are conducting contests through which you can win an autographed copy of the book (You've got to be kidding. You sign the thing and send it to them? Oh, how big is your head swelling over that? Ow!) instead of shelling out $29.99 on Amazon to buy it. (Oh, I'm supposed to tell you Amazon offers free shipping. Look, do you want to just type this yourself?) But if you aren't one of the lucky winners like Wanda Mallet from The Wolf Never Sleeps blog yesterday, you can always get your copy at http://www.archebooks.com/BookIDX/Indexes/Fantasy/CMG/CMGDesc.htm, which is the publisher's site where you get a 25% discount off the cover price. Or you can go to http://www.amazon.com/Choices-Meant-Gods-Sandy-Lender/dp/1595071652/ref=dp_return_1/104-9089752-5140754?ie=UTF8&n=283155&s=books&qid=1175821346&sr=8-1 and get the free shipping from Amazon.
Here are the tour dates:
5/21 Blog Int. http://www.booksoffbroadway.blogspot.com/ BooksOffBroadway site
5/22 Blog Int. http://www.jamiesonwolf.blogspot.com/ The Wolf Never Sleeps
5/23 Online Chat http://willifordblog.com/ (9 p.m., eastern) Marcus Williford Blog
5/24 Blog Int. http://www.sabbathsroom.blogspot.com/ Sabbath's Room
5/25 Guest Blog www.alisonkent.com/blog AlisonKent.com
5/28 Blog Int. http://marjo-mumswritings.blogspot.com/ Dee Owen
5/29 Blog Int. http://thebookpedler.wordpress.com/ The Book Pedler
5/30 Blog Int. www.myspace.com/charleneleatherman Charlene Leatherman
5/31 Blog Int.
6/1-30 Site Presence http://www.bloggingauthors.com/ Blogging Authors
6/4 Blog Int. http://www.conversationswithfamouswriters.blogspot.com/
6/5 Blog Int. http://www.bloggingauthors.com/ Blogging Authors
6/6 Blog Int. http://yewalus.blogspot.com/ A Novelist Speaks
6/7 Blog Int http://readingrucker.blogspot.com/ Reading Rucker
6/8 Blog Int. http://archeblog.blogspot.com/ ArcheBooks Blog
6/11 Blog Int. http://www.charleneleatherman.blogspot.com/ Charlene Leatherman
6/12 Blog Int. http://blog.myspace.com/raven_bower Raven Bower
6/13 Blog Int.
6/19 Blog Int. http://www.bewitchedbybooks.com/ Bewitched By Books
6/22 Blog Int. http://www.mywritersworld.blogspot.com/ My Writers World
6/25 Pick Six http://ambasadora.livejournal.com/ Ambasadora
6/26 Blog Int. http://greetingsfromthepolebarn.blogspot.com/ The Polebarn
6/28 Online Chat http://cassidymckay.com/ (8 p.m., eastern) Cassidy's Chat Room
7/1 Author Int. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/writeonnewsletter
7/2 Blog Int. http://ravens-hollow.blogspot.com/ Raven Bower
7/3 Author Day BrendaWilliamsonRomanceParty@yahoogroup.com
7/10 Blog Int. http://www.virtualbooktourdenet.blogspot.com/ Karina Fabian's Virtual Book Tour Site

We hope to see you at as many as you can attend.
All my best to you,
(What's wrong with signing it that way?)

Saturday, May 19, 2007

She Took me to this Lizard Place

I'll be blogging (that word still disturbs me, even after all this time) about Sandy Lender's online book tour tomorrow, but I wanted to mention her book event from this evening before. It was in real-life, as she puts it. She ended up with a migraine from it, but neither of us can tell if that's because she got less than two hours of sleep last night, because she stressed out getting lost on the way to the venue, or because she was absent-minded enough to eat something with mushrooms on it while she was there. I think it may have been a combination of all of the above and I've told her to go to bed. I have the computer, anyway.

But the book signing event at Leapin Lizards was as she expected, calm and composed. She got to eat dinner (first shocking moment for me - I don't think I've seen her sit down and eat in a week) with local artist Megan Kissinger, who visitors may remember is the talented young woman who created the map of my fair land of Onweald for Choices Meant for Gods. Sandy also learned from fellow ArcheBooks Diva Prudy Taylor Board, author of Murder a la Carte, that the Cape Coral Breeze did run the press release about the event, so that's two newspapers she can confirm gave them "free ink." (Just what does that mean?) In my society, newspapers aren't all the rage they were here a few years back. We have bulletins that are written up on parchment, but the Dreorfahn Army is burning the forests that are used for paper production at such a rate that...here we go...she's censoring me. She thinks you visitors will be frustrated by the allusions to places and elements from Choices Meant for Gods if you haven't already read the novel. So...let me inform you all that you can brush up on your knowledge of these words by reading the Word of the Day entries at www.todaythedragonwins.blogspot.com for the duration of Sandy's online book tour, May 21 through July 21, because each WOD will focus on a word or phrase that finds its root in Old English, Duran Duran, Greek mythology, Latin, etc. You could also brush up on your knowledge of these words by reading the book. It's available at http://www.amazon.com/Choices-Meant-Gods-Sandy-Lender/dp/1595071652/ref=dp_return_1/104-9089752-5140754?ie=UTF8&n=283155&s=books&qid=1175821346&sr=8-1.

As I was saying a moment ago, newspapers aren't a source of communication in my society, and Sandy says they're nearly impotent here as well. (Ahh, that's why we do so much marketing online...it all comes together now.)

She's taken one of her migraine pills so I think I'm going to go stuff her into her bed before she drops somewhere in the house. I'll share all the details of the blog tour tomorrow.

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Thursday, May 17, 2007

She Explained Once What Bombs Are

Sandy has this friend who lives in what you would assume is a quiet part of town. A lot of old people live in this town - they don't get too rowdy. But her friend, Robyn, happens to have one neighbor who apparently has some "issues." That neighbor is on the news tonight.

So poor Robyn is on her way over to hang out and watch the news in a house that isn't likely to blow up. Now, I didn't realize exactly what this meant. Sandy swept into the house looking a bit harried and said something to the effect of "must wash the dishes before Robyn gets here" before scurrying into the bedroom to put away her laundry from last night. So I was relegated to dish-duty. (I swear, the things I do in the name of keeping "the fantasy author" happy... ) Anyway, the problem, it appears, is that Robyn's neighborhood is inundated with police, firemen, bomb squad officers, and news crews because a man has been assembling bombs in his house there. So I asked Sandy why a simple, everyday person would have a bomb. I mean, I've seen information about these things on television, and they sound like things governments control, and they sound complex, and they sound terrible. I wanted to know how a typical member of society would get hold of one. Turns out the components to make them are easy to come by.

Your society is pretty screwed up.

How efficient you are at killing one another. It seems such a shame to have these devices in existence. I've asked her to keep them a secret from the players in the war in my world, and she merely disappeared into her closet to hang up her clothes.

That makes me nervous. And it makes me want to keep her happy so she'll do what I ask of her when she gets back to Book III of the Choices Meant for Gods trilogy. She's been so focused on the online book tour* and marketing for Choices Meant for Gods (Book I) and book signings and editing Book II that I've not seen any progress on the completion of the storyline. Again, I feel nervous. With all the turmoil and upset in her life, I don't want her aggravation with various members of the opposite sex to influence her the wrong way in the culmination of Amanda Chariss's story. (I think I'm about to be censored. She's reading over my shoulder.)

She says I have nothing to worry about. But I don't like the way she said it. (No, I'm not paranoid...I've just been around you long enough to know when you're being devious.)

Again, I'm nervous.

*The online book tour is the electronic marketing push Sandy Lender is making to support the release of Choices Meant for Gods. She'll appear on different host sites on different dates throughout the tour, which runs from May 21 to July 21. I'll list the ones that are confirmed so far below, but I'll post the official launch of the tour Sunday evening with some other special announcements. Note that the Wednesday, May 23, date is not an author interview, but an online author chat at the Williford blog, and you'll need to register for that ahead of time. (It takes all of five seconds. I've done it to participate in the author chat with Jamieson Wolf. Fascinating stuff. )
Blog Tour Dates

5/21 www.BooksOffBroadway.blogspot.com
5/22 www.jamiesonwolf.blogspot.com
5/23 http://willifordblog.com (9:00 p.m. Eastern time, online author chat)
5/24 www.sabbathsroom.blogspot.com
5/25 www.alisonkent.com/blog
5/28 Dee Owen (URL to come)
5/29 http://thebookpedler.wordpress.com (check out the archives for April 24 to see a fabulous review already on The Book Pedler!)
5/30 www.myspace.com/charleneleatherman
5/31 http://overthehillchick.blogspot.com
6/1-30 www.bloggingauthors.com (the site presence all month)
6/5 www.bloggingauthors.com (the interview)
6/6 http://yewalus.blogspot.com
6/7 http://readingrucker.blogspot.com
6/8 http://archeblog.blogspot.com (my publisher)
6/11 www.charleneleatherman.blogspot.com
6/12 http://blog.myspace.com/raven_bower
6/13 www.pumpupyouronlinebookpromotion.blogspot.com
6/19 www.bewitchedbybooks.com
6/22 www.mywritersworld.blogspot.com
6/26 http://greetingsfromthepolebarn.blogspot.com
7/2 www.ravens-hollow.blogspot.com
7/3 BrendaWilliamsonsRomanceParty – group site – author day with Sandy Lender

I hope to see you at as many of the sites as you can make it to.
All my best,

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Saturday, May 12, 2007

She Bought This Wine

Sandy Lender is just "tickled," as she puts it, over this wine she bought. It's for a basket she's making to donate to a charity auction at DragonCon, a conference she wants to speak at over Labor Day Weekend (whatever that is) in Atlanta (a city about 10 hours from here...oh, I should say 10 hours driving like a fiend bent on attending a John Taylor event...what on earth? Is anyone going to understand any of that? I didn't think so.)

Let me begin again.

She bought a bottle of California wine, which I am to understand is comparable to the lesser Bellan wines of my society, to put in a gift basket along with a copy of Choices Meant for Gods, one of the cloth Choices Meant for Gods bags, a bookmark, a pen, a deck of cards like the ones Henry and I played in Bellan, and this dragon necklace that becomes a knife. (Not really a children's item.) She's then donating the basket to the DragonCon officials to place in their silent auction to raise money for a charity in Atlanta. I don't remember what charity she said it was and she's wandered off again... But if you attend DragonCon this year, you can bid on the basket and do something good for a local entity.

But the bottle of wine is what she wanted me to post about because it's called The Seven Deadly Zins. She laughed out loud in the store when she saw it and grabbed it off the shelf as if someone else might snatch it up ahead of her. The label reads as follows:

Schulenburg's vines, grabby with GREED,
Embrace Lodi's soil, to drink and to feed.
Oh Lord, forgive me my zin.
Secure in its strength, weathered with PRIDE,
Standing like soldiers, the forest of Snyde.
Oh Lord, forgive me my zin.
Hearts filled with LUST, ole Maley's trees,
Court Lodi's sun, and flirt with its breeze.
Oh Lord, forgive me my zin.
Good Bishofberger did raise some GLUTTONOUS beasts,
Vines fattened like turkeys before Thanksgiving feast.
Oh Lord, forgive me my zin.
Who wouldn't be ANGRY, with the vines of Lauchland?
Snubbing all others, right where they stand.
Oh Lord, forgive me my zin.
SLOTHFUL and lazy, Manion's old flock,
Descended from the most selfish of stock.
Oh Lord, forgive me my zin.
Ferrero's fine ladies, the ENVY of most,
A harem like that, who wouldn't boast?
Oh Lord, forgive me my zin.
With the tilt of a glass, I commit seven zins,
Oh Lord, with your help...I'll do it again.

Seven of Lodi's Best Growers gave their souls to produce this one of a kind sinful blend of seven old vine deadly zines. Indulge!

Vinted and bottled by Michael and David Phillips, Graton, California

(She's back and she's laughing at it again. I don't understand any of it. Accept maybe the envy... Why does she think Pride should have been listed first?)

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Thursday, May 10, 2007

She's Written an Embarrassing Post

I’m sure you’re all aware that Sandy Lender has her own blog to promote Choices Meant for Gods and to assist writers with grammar, writing tips, and promotion ideas over at www.todaythedragonwins.blogspot.com. Well, tomorrow (Friday, May 11), she’s posting a blog article to assist writers with promotion and inspiration. It’s called “Baby, Baby, I’m Fallin’ in Love,” which she tells me is a lyric out of a song from the 1970s (don’t ask me about the reference or the song, I’ve no idea about either).

She’s using the post as a way to get writers to think about a character they’re in love with. The character has to be someone from a novel. Now, the novel can be something widely known (a classic like Jane Eyre – I understand Sandy thinks Edward Rochester is the greatest hero in classical literature; a horror like Bram Stoker’s Dracula – and you know how Sandy’s in love with the vampires; etc.) or a book of the writer’s own creation. Sandy’s got all the information typed up in the article she’ll be posting in the morning.

Anyway, I’m embarrassed to death to announce that she picked me of all people to be her example. Amanda Chariss would smile at my consternation, I’m sure. So if anything good has come of this exercise, I’ve gotten to think on Amanda’s lovely smile. I wish Sandy would concentrate more on writing the Choices Meant for Gods sequels and less on how to irritate me.

So if you’re a reader, you might want to pick up your copy of Choices Meant for Gods at http://www.amazon.com/Choices-Meant-Gods-Sandy-Lender/dp/1595071652/ref=dp_return_1/104-9089752-5140754?ie=UTF8&n=283155&s=books&qid=1175821346&sr=8-1. If you're an avid reader, you might want to participate in this fun little game Sandy’s playing because it gives you an opportunity to promote your work (or a friend’s work) and lets you wax poetic over a character you adore. Have fun. Sandy appears to be.

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Monday, May 7, 2007

She's Not Spiderman

Or Spiderwoman, as the case may be. See, she almost wrecked the car—again.

This seems to be a problem for Sandy. Luckily, no one was in the lanes (plural) next to her when she started swerving around screaming like an idiot. She truly has a problem with spiders, especially when they’re the size of mice and running across the sun visors in the cabin of the car while she’s trying to drive. The good news is she had the presence of mind to use a turn signal, pull into the far turn lane, pile out of the car, and do her little spider dance in the median where many people saw her and stopped to help.

Oddly enough, there weren’t any police officers around to help her today…But there was a wonderful lady with her son, Conner, who stopped to help block traffic (because Sandy just stopped the car there in the middle of the lane).

Anyway, the spider went up under the console of the car and she had to drive to Walgreens to get bug spray to deal with it. I’m pleased to announce that the people in this society will stop to assist a woman screaming in a drug store parking lot. I’m not so pleased to announce that she’s nursing a migraine over the ordeal. She had to take a nap. A nap. Let me reiterate that. The woman was so distraught over a simple spider…oh…here she is. I’m being censored now.

Sigh. Let me re-explain that the spider was the size of a mouse and moved very quickly. And let me further explain that two of the full-grown men who stopped to assist her in the parking lot while she chased said spider around the cabin of the car stated that they were also afraid and informed her that wolf spiders bite. So she had an extended period of time this afternoon during which her blood pressure and adrenaline system were elevated and operating in fight-or-flight mode. And then she had to drive 30 minutes home with what she “hoped” was a dead wolf spider under the driver’s seat because that’s the last place it darted, coated with Raid, and from which it never emerged.

To be honest, I truly felt sorry for her. She’s terrified of these things. I’ve never seen anyone move so fast, while screaming, as she did when it dropped from the console to the floor mat by her foot (You might start wearing less-sexy footwear, hunh? Something that covers your feet, maybe?). She literally bolted over the gear shift, over the grocery bag in the passenger seat and out the passenger door in under two seconds. I think this may have been the episode that drew everyone’s attention in the parking lot…

When she got home, she rolled all the windows back up on the car in an effort to suffocate the beast and sent her ‘significant other’ out to search for the body when he returned from his trip to the Midwest. He failed to return with a corpse, so she’s distraught again, worrying about her drive to work in the morning. I wish I had one of the carriages from home but I can guarantee that would take a very long time…

Oh for pity’s sake. I’m being asked to share a spider fact with you all. Did you know that spiders can hold their breath? That’s why having an exterminator bomb your house…what!? Oh…bug bomb? Having an exterminator bug bomb your house is useless for killing spiders because the demons (demons?) will merely hold their breath until the poison danger passes. (One of the gentlemen who stopped to help her suggested she get a bug bomb in addition to the can of Raid and bomb the car, and she thanked him for his advice, but she didn’t waste her time and money to set off something that would, no doubt, damage her central nervous system.) Know thy enemy.

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Sunday, May 6, 2007

She's the Greatest Author Ever

Have I mentioned that Sandy is great? (That's her in the picture holding a sword.) You won’t believe the deleted scene she just let me read. I asked why in the world it was deleted because…by the gods…it’s remarkable. Let me just state, Amanda Chariss is stunning.

Anyway, Sandy Lender has posted a deleted scene from Choices Meant for Gods at The Dragon over at www.todaythedragonwins.blogspot.com/ and I wholeheartedly encourage you to go read it. She was concerned at first that everyone will assume Choices Meant for Gods is a romance or erotic novel if she posts steamy (Hey, is that the word you used?)…yes…if she posts steamy scenes between Amanda and me, but, you know, by the very fact that they were deleted, thus not included in the published novel, one should understand that Choices Meant for Gods is a fantasy novel. (I’ve just been informed that I could further define it as a high fantasy or epic fantasy such as the Lord of the Rings series by J.R.R. Tolkien or the Sword of Truth series by Terry Goodkind. Personally, I’ve not read either of those, but Sandy Lender seems to think highly of them. I think highly of the story of Amanda Chariss.)

So stop by The Dragon today to read this wonderful scene. And stop by http://www.amazon.com/Choices-Meant-Gods-Sandy-Lender/dp/1595071652/ref=dp_return_1/104-9089752-5140754?ie=UTF8&n=283155&s=books&qid=1175821346&sr=8-1 to order your copy of the high fantasy novel and read about my bride, dragons, a great wizard, some testy gods and goddesses, an evil sorcerer, and all manner of fantastic themes in this new work. Judging by the seven 5-star reviews on the Amazon site, I don’t think you’ll be disappointed.

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Thursday, May 3, 2007

She's Going to Ohio

This doesn't happen until September 28 (which is good because she really needs to stop all this ridiculous marketing - that's what I'm here for - and spend some time working on the third book in the Choices Meant for Gods fantasy trilogy), but Sandy Lender has been invited to participate on a variety of panels at the Context 20 science fiction and fantasy convention in Columbus, Ohio, this Sept. 28-30. She seems quite excited about the topics she'll be speaking on, and, to be honest, I'm looking forward to seeing Columbus, Ohio. Oh, and she tells me there'll be people dressed up in Star Trek costumes at this convention...whatever that means. (What's a klingot? Klingon. And why does she laugh hysterically after saying "kaplah"? What is all this? I swear...that woman...)

I'm sure I'll post more information as she feeds it to me, but, for now, just be aware that she's very happy to announce that she'll be a panelist at Context 20 and she's looking forward to meeting all of you there. Of course, she won't be able to afford to get there if people don't buy the novel. You can do that at http://www.archebooks.com/BookIDX/Indexes/Fantasy/CMG/CMGDesc.htm where you can get a discount of some kind. Or you can order at http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?z=y&EAN=9781595071651&itm=1 if you have a Barnes and Noble membership you wish to use. Or you can order from http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1595071652/sr=8-1/qid=1175821346/ref=olp_product_details/104-9089752-5140754?ie=UTF8&qid=1175821346&sr=8-1&seller and get free two-day shipping.

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Wednesday, May 2, 2007

She's Going to New York

I've never seen anything so insane in my life. And I've seen some pretty crazy young ladies come to the school at Arcana, let me tell you, but this...this takes the prize. She left a voice mail message for one of her friends back in Kansas City - one of those cryptic messages saying "I need to know what you're doing June 17." And when Jennine called back, Sandy Lender was in the precarious position of driving a moving vehicle and talking about a Duran Duran concert at the same time. Now, why should this endanger anyone, you ask? Oh, just let me tell you, I nearly jumped out of the car more than once. She's out of her ever-loving mind.

The woman was screaming. Screaming! About getting tickets to a concert.

I don't understand.

Suffice it to say, Sandy is very excited because Jennine is buying her a ticket to a Duran Duran show on her birthday. Now she just has to find a way to get to New York, which isn't exactly going to be easy considering she's losing her home to foreclosure at the moment. I've had that process explained and it sounds like a financial nightmare. But she's riding a wave of euphoria right now that can't be quelled...and...to be honest...it's kind of humorous to watch.

She's already written down the name and number of a book store she wants to contact to see if she can do a signing for Choices Meant for Gods while she's up there. She rattled off something about writing the trip off on her taxes if she did a signing or two while she was in the city and then went back to screaming the lyrics to a song I couldn't understand...I suppose I'll let you all know if she gets the signings booked.

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