Wednesday, October 24, 2007

She's Dangerous With Swords

For you to properly appreciate this, let me set the scene. My fantasy author, Sandy Lender, has a friend installing a new faucet on her kitchen sink this morning while she's at work. Apparently, the landlord will never get around to this, and because Sandy's been living in the apartment since early October, the lack of a functioning kitchen has driven her almost to the point of insanity. So the friend is hooking up pipes and whatever else your society requires to get water from one point to another when, lo and behold, the need for different pipe arises. Friend A goes to Home Depot. Friend A returns. Friend A is on the phone with Sandy when it occurs to the friend that the back door of the apartment is wide open. And that just shouldn't be so.

Now, because I follow Sandy around when I think she needs inspiration, I wasn't at the apartment to watch for intruders, but now I'm starting to think I should spend a little time there during the day...watching...and perhaps warning would-be burglars that my fantasy author is having a particularly fussy autumn. And she owns sharp weapons that she would just love to stab someone with. It would be in all intruders' best interests to select other homes to break into. She's pretty miffed at the moment. The good news: the computer containing Books II and III of the Choices Meant for Gods trilogy in their various stages of development is still in its place. Friend A returned to the apartment apparently in plenty of time to scare off the perpetrator before he or she could remove anything from out in the open. Sandy will have to check on jewelry (oh...why don't you own any jewelry?) or whatever might be stashed in the apartment when she gets there tonight.

She's ready to call up Comcast and rip them a new one because they had their service technicians in her home setting up her internet connection yesterday...kasing? What's kasing? Oh. Casing the joint, she says.

The time for Book II of the Choices trilogy to go to the publisher draws near so I recommend getting your copy of Book I, Choices Meant for Gods, so you have plenty of time to read it and fall in love with my bride, the heroine, Amanda Chariss. Amanda would also deal with the intruders with something sharp and pointy. "Stab now, ask questions later," I believe is the appropriate phrase. If you'd like to read some reviews, has a few, but the majority are at

You can also order the book at both of those sites, but you get free shipping at the Amazon site. You can also order direct from the publisher at


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Thursday, October 11, 2007

She's Mad Now

Doesn't my fantasy author, Sandy Lender, look nice and pleasant in this picture? Well...looks can be deceiving.

She's mad now. In fact, I think I might just step out of the way and watch what happens. You see, this blog about the life of an author is supposed to market the epic fantasy novel Choices Meant for Gods (and the upcoming sequel) and tell you about the author's life...sort of a "glimpse into a writer's life." Folks...the writer's life is in turmoil at the moment and she's not happy about it. Mostly, she's mad at herself for not planning to be miserable...she thinks she should have realized that financial hell was descending upon her and that all men abandon you in the end. I'm aware of her financial difficulties but I'm not so sure I agree that all of my half of the species is so bad... (Oh, nice, I'm not a real man!? What the deuce does THAT mean?) (In the alarming and confusing statement of the day: Sandy says I'm fabulous because I'm not real and that's one of the reasons she didn't kill me off in Book I of the Choices Meant for Gods trilogy. What on earth...)

So while she looks happy in the photo taken at her first book signing (above), you have to keep in mind that the picture was taken back in June. June 9, if I have the date right. This is October. October 11. And she's mad at several people who are going to get their butts kicked into November. And when she catches up to them next month, she just might kick their butts into December. (Funny. She wants to know if she has to pay rent on the condo if she kicks the landlord far enough into the future... That's my girl: always thinking.)

To assist her in calming down, because I think her blood pressure will have to return to normal soon or there'll be a stroke or other cardiac event taking place, those of you reading the blog could get a copy of her fantasy novel and tell her how much you enjoy it. It's available at Barnes & Noble (the store in the picture above), Borders, etc. But you can also order it online. Check out to get it before they run out. There are only five copies left at the moment. (free shipping)

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Wednesday, October 10, 2007

She's Fit to be Tied

First of all, it's been so long since I sat down to work on marketing with my fantasy author that I had trouble remembering the address and password for this blog. Sandy Lender suggested I begin this post with the book cover just to remind everyone that, yes, there is a fabulous epic fantasy novel called Choices Meant for Gods that she's trying to get people to purchase and read and fall in love with.

And then she walked away in a sort of daze. Or rage. One of the two. She's currently in the midst of a divorce, a move, a foreclosure, and probably about to commit homicide...none of these things seem pleasant when taken alone. I think people in your society require alcohol to handle them en masse. Oh, she's just walked through stating the electric company is getting firebombed before the week's out. Interesting...

So we're taking a poll here at Nigel Presents Sandy Lender. You see, she's upset over the amount of money she paid for her first month's rent at the condo she's moving into, yet she wasn't able to use the toilet at said condo until last night (yes, that would be the 9th day of the month) because it was out of order and she still isn't able to use the kitchen faucet at said condo because it's still out of order. She's also become irritated because she's spending more time scrubbing mold out of the refrigerator and off the blinds and vacuuming up beds of cat hair than she's spending unpacking her belongings.

So here's the poll question:
If you were moving into an apartment/condominium and the landlord had left the place in a shambles, would you request he pro-rate the second month's rent based upon the number of days the place was unlivable during the first month? Yes or no?

It comes out to $29 a day, which, in your society, starts to add up. (Yes, yes, I already mentioned the electric company.) Oh. The $29 a day really starts to add up when the landlord screws up and has the electricity disconnected instead of switched to your name so you have to pay a $220 security deposit in addition to a $15 connection fee to open a new account. (And that's the need for firebombing? I understand now. Do you want me to just go down there with a sword, dearest?)

And that's today in the life of a fantasy writer. If you'd like to help the starving artist pay next month's rent, you can pick up a copy of her novel online at The direct link is You'll love the story!

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