Saturday, November 24, 2007

She Sold All of Two Books Today

Now, as my fantasy author, Sandy Lender, puts it, selling two books in a day is better than selling NO books. She points out that two more people in the world are being introduced to my bride, which is great, if you think about it. But this isn't the way to replace J.K. Rowling as entertainer of the year in 2020. That must be a goal.

Oh, pardon me. The Mayan calendar states the world is ending Dec. 21, 2012, so Fantasy Author Sandy Lender only has a few years left to take over the planet as the leading fantasy author.

Anyway, the point of this post was to show that today in the life of an author/writer, Sandy stood at an art festival under a tent with several other writers, distributing information about the Naples Press Club and hearing "no" whenever she asked, "Are you a reader of fantasy?" or "Do you read fantasy?" or "Do you like Harry Potter?" etc. I suggested that tomorrow she ask people, "Do your grandchildren read books?" and go from there. That's going to be the only angle she can work with this particular crowd. I've also suggested that she dress like a fantasy author and carry the sword to get more attention. Now, you know it's bad if I'm suggesting she wear the sword...

If you'd like to check out her fantasy novel, Choices Meant for Gods, there are glowing reviews and information, including a synopsis, at her amazon page. All you have to do is hit Amazon and look up the book title when you're ordering your other gifts this season! And if your grandchildren read fantasy, you'll instantly have a hit... ;)

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Friday, November 23, 2007

She Wants to Buy a Bookshelf

Now, something like buying a bookshelf should be easy, shouldn't it? In my society, we build such things, usually into the walls. In your society, you get in a car and go to a store where the stand-alone structure is in a large, heavy box (note the word "heavy" in this sentence because it's going to come into play in just a moment) that you purchase, load into your car, and bring back to your home. My fantasy author, Sandy Lender, intends to do this exercise this afternoon.

Please note that this is the day after Thanksgiving and she's been educating me about the perils of entering a store of any kind on this day. Supposedly it's akin to going to war. But she gets on these quests... She wishes to organize her den somewhat before starting her new job Monday, and because she's going to be working at the Naples Renaissance Art Fall Festival all day tomorrow and Sunday, she feels that she either purchases a bookshelf and organizes the den today or the Earth will stop spinning on its axis and you'll all be flung into space. (OW! That was uncalled for. )

Sandy would like to express that she is not obsessive compulsive (even though she is) and that the continuance of life on this planet is not incumbent on her organizing her den today. She just wishes to get this done because she's been fretting about it for quite some time.

And that, my friends, is today in a writer's life. What's going to be insane is when she gets fussy with me and sends me away, and has to open the box from the store in the back of her car and carry each piece of the shelving unit into the apartment individually because it's too heavy for her to lift all at once by herself. See, if she'd just settle down and let me help...

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Thursday, November 22, 2007

She's Thankful For the Police

My fantasy author, Sandy Lender, says I must begin this post wishing everyone a happy Thanksgiving, even though I'm not from this country. And on that note, I must also list the things I'm thankful for.

Amanda Chariss
my sister Kaylin
the recent reprieve from marketing

Of course there are other things I'm thankful for, but this blog isn't supposed to be about me. In fact, today's post about my writer's life is specifically about how pleased she is that a police officer showed up at her door at a little past 4 a.m. to check out the area because someone tried to get into her apartment. (What? Wouldn't they know you moved if they'd read your blog?)

Okay, update: Sandy no longer lives out in the swamp (another thing I'm thankful for) because the banks are foreclosing on that house in the next two weeks (oooo, now those of you who haven't bought her book over at ought to be hanging your heads in shame!) (Hey! I'm just teasing them, don't smack me!)

Back to the topic at hand because it's interesting and had her awake for two hours: and that's not easy to do. She woke up to the sound of someone rustling around the back of the condo at 3:30. That was alarming to her, so she popped out of bed to the sound of them actually trying the back door, as if to see if it was unlocked. (My smart girl keeps all the doors locked, of course, and will be enforcing those as soon as the stores open tomorrow.) Here's where the story gets psychotic (and who wasn't expecting a psychotic twist where Sandy Lender is involved?) (OW! I swear, could you go do something else while I type this?). She pops up out of bed and grabs the medieval dagger from her dresser. Oh, yes, because who doesn't keep one of those handy in the bedroom in the year 2007? Armed with the weapon, she proceeds to turn on every light in the back part of the condo and check the lock, etc. She called a friend (yes, she does have friends in the area who would be awake and not mind a call at 3:34 a.m.) to get advice on the matter. "Call the police. You won't look like an idiot," was the verdict. "And call me back." (Of course.)

After she called the police and got back on the phone with her friend, there was a bump on the front door of the condo, which actually made her mad. It takes someone will a lot of gall, she says, to try both doors once all the lights are on and it's apparent someone is home. (Yes, Dear, I'm sure they would have been surprised to have a dagger sticking clear through their midsection.)

The good news is the police arrived - even though it took them half an hour - (Why are you singing, "I'll call a cab because a cab'll come quicker"? Nice. Will anyone else know what that is?) and checked out the area. The officer told her this is a safe area. In the year that he's been on the force, he's only had two "disturbances" to check on in this neighborhood, and he assured her that she's chosen a great, quiet place to live. He also told her that he likes Duran Duran. (What? Oh, yes, it's everywhere in your home...)

So Sandy Lender is thankful for the following:

no perps in her home this morning
her pet bird
Choices Meant for Gods
the sequel to CMFG
AsphaltPro Magazine
a place to live
Red Carpet Massacre
Nigel Taiman (aww, aren't you sweet?)
all of her friends

There's more but she's complaining about how long I'm taking to do this. I believe she'd like to use the computer. If you all have things you'd like to list that you're thankful for, please post your comments. If you'd like to support the starving author, you can get your copy of the first novel in the Choices Meant for Gods trilogy at your local Barnes & Noble tomorrow during the After Thanksgiving Day sales (I'm not entirely sure what that means, but Sandy says it's pure insanity) or from the safety of your computer at

Have a wonderful day with your family and friends around you.
All my best,
Nigel Taiman

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Tuesday, November 20, 2007

She Told Me to Get My Act Together

And I found that humorous because she's just as guilty as I about doing everything other than marketing these days. It turns out my fantasy author, Sandy Lender, is devising a plan to kick our marketing efforts for her fantasy novels back into gear. I'm not sure what all it's going to entail because so far it appears to involve calling various food services to see who wants the turkey thawing in her refrigerator.

Here's the strangest thing about this writer's life: she can't seem to make up her mind. One minute, she's completely devoted and happy about something. The next minute, she'd rather eat nails than cook a turkey for Thanksgiving dinner. (What's that? Oh, great, I'm being called insensitive just because I don't understand how obnoxious it is to cook a meal like that for yourself. Well, be that as it may, she has a turkey and the makings of green bean...what!? bean casserole...whatever that donate to the nearest fallout shelter or food bank. Pardon me. The nearest women's shelter or food bank. (Do you want to just type this for me?)

If you know of a place that will accept uncooked poultry the day before Thanksgiving, please hit the comment link below. She's going to lose it any minute here.

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