She's Dangerous With Swords

For you to properly appreciate this, let me set the scene. My fantasy author, Sandy Lender, has a friend installing a new faucet on her kitchen sink this morning while she's at work. Apparently, the landlord will never get around to this, and because Sandy's been living in the apartment since early October, the lack of a functioning kitchen has driven her almost to the point of insanity. So the friend is hooking up pipes and whatever else your society requires to get water from one point to another when, lo and behold, the need for different pipe arises. Friend A goes to Home Depot. Friend A returns. Friend A is on the phone with Sandy when it occurs to the friend that the back door of the apartment is wide open. And that just shouldn't be so.

Now, because I follow Sandy around when I think she needs inspiration, I wasn't at the apartment to watch for intruders, but now I'm starting to think I should spend a little time there during the day...watching...and perhaps warning would-be burglars that my fantasy author is having a particularly fussy autumn. And she owns sharp weapons that she would just love to stab someone with. It would be in all intruders' best interests to select other homes to break into. She's pretty miffed at the moment. The good news: the computer containing Books II and III of the Choices Meant for Gods trilogy in their various stages of development is still in its place. Friend A returned to the apartment apparently in plenty of time to scare off the perpetrator before he or she could remove anything from out in the open. Sandy will have to check on jewelry (oh...why don't you own any jewelry?) or whatever might be stashed in the apartment when she gets there tonight.

She's ready to call up Comcast and rip them a new one because they had their service technicians in her home setting up her internet connection yesterday...kasing? What's kasing? Oh. Casing the joint, she says.

The time for Book II of the Choices trilogy to go to the publisher draws near so I recommend getting your copy of Book I, Choices Meant for Gods, so you have plenty of time to read it and fall in love with my bride, the heroine, Amanda Chariss. Amanda would also deal with the intruders with something sharp and pointy. "Stab now, ask questions later," I believe is the appropriate phrase. If you'd like to read some reviews, http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?z=y&EAN=9781595071651&tabname=custreview&itm=1 has a few, but the majority are at http://www.amazon.com/Choices-Meant-Gods-Sandy-Lender/dp/1595071652/ref=dp_return_2/002-3163519-8684042?ie=UTF8&n=283155&s=books.

You can also order the book at both of those sites, but you get free shipping at the Amazon site. You can also order direct from the publisher at http://www.archebooks.com/BookIDX/Indexes/Fantasy/CMG/CMGDesc.htm.

Enjoy!

Tags: Choices Meant for Gods, Sandy Lender, fantasy author

She's Mad Now

Doesn't my fantasy author, Sandy Lender, look nice and pleasant in this picture? Well...looks can be deceiving.

She's mad now. In fact, I think I might just step out of the way and watch what happens. You see, this blog about the life of an author is supposed to market the epic fantasy novel Choices Meant for Gods (and the upcoming sequel) and tell you about the author's life...sort of a "glimpse into a writer's life." Folks...the writer's life is in turmoil at the moment and she's not happy about it. Mostly, she's mad at herself for not planning to be miserable...she thinks she should have realized that financial hell was descending upon her and that all men abandon you in the end. I'm aware of her financial difficulties but I'm not so sure I agree that all of my half of the species is so bad... (Oh, nice, I'm not a real man!? What the deuce does THAT mean?) (In the alarming and confusing statement of the day: Sandy says I'm fabulous because I'm not real and that's one of the reasons she didn't kill me off in Book I of the Choices Meant for Gods trilogy. What on earth...)

So while she looks happy in the photo taken at her first book signing (above), you have to keep in mind that the picture was taken back in June. June 9, if I have the date right. This is October. October 11. And she's mad at several people who are going to get their butts kicked into November. And when she catches up to them next month, she just might kick their butts into December. (Funny. She wants to know if she has to pay rent on the condo if she kicks the landlord far enough into the future... That's my girl: always thinking.)

To assist her in calming down, because I think her blood pressure will have to return to normal soon or there'll be a stroke or other cardiac event taking place, those of you reading the blog could get a copy of her fantasy novel and tell her how much you enjoy it. It's available at Barnes & Noble (the store in the picture above), Borders, etc. But you can also order it online. Check out http://www.amazon.com/Choices-Meant-Gods-Sandy-Lender/dp/1595071652/ref=dp_return_2/002-3163519-8684042?ie=UTF8&n=283155&s=books to get it before they run out. There are only five copies left at the moment. (free shipping)

Tags: Choices Meant for Gods, Sandy Lender, fantasy author, fantasy novel

She's Fit to be Tied

First of all, it's been so long since I sat down to work on marketing with my fantasy author that I had trouble remembering the address and password for this blog. Sandy Lender suggested I begin this post with the book cover just to remind everyone that, yes, there is a fabulous epic fantasy novel called Choices Meant for Gods that she's trying to get people to purchase and read and fall in love with.

And then she walked away in a sort of daze. Or rage. One of the two. She's currently in the midst of a divorce, a move, a foreclosure, and probably about to commit homicide...none of these things seem pleasant when taken alone. I think people in your society require alcohol to handle them en masse. Oh, she's just walked through stating the electric company is getting firebombed before the week's out. Interesting...

So we're taking a poll here at Nigel Presents Sandy Lender. You see, she's upset over the amount of money she paid for her first month's rent at the condo she's moving into, yet she wasn't able to use the toilet at said condo until last night (yes, that would be the 9th day of the month) because it was out of order and she still isn't able to use the kitchen faucet at said condo because it's still out of order. She's also become irritated because she's spending more time scrubbing mold out of the refrigerator and off the blinds and vacuuming up beds of cat hair than she's spending unpacking her belongings.

So here's the poll question:
If you were moving into an apartment/condominium and the landlord had left the place in a shambles, would you request he pro-rate the second month's rent based upon the number of days the place was unlivable during the first month? Yes or no?

It comes out to $29 a day, which, in your society, starts to add up. (Yes, yes, I already mentioned the electric company.) Oh. The $29 a day really starts to add up when the landlord screws up and has the electricity disconnected instead of switched to your name so you have to pay a $220 security deposit in addition to a $15 connection fee to open a new account. (And that's the need for firebombing? I understand now. Do you want me to just go down there with a sword, dearest?)

And that's today in the life of a fantasy writer. If you'd like to help the starving artist pay next month's rent, you can pick up a copy of her novel online at Amazon.com. The direct link is http://www.amazon.com/Choices-Meant-Gods-Sandy-Lender/dp/1595071652/ref=dp_return_2/002-3163519-8684042?ie=UTF8&n=283155&s=books. You'll love the story!

Tags: Choices Meant for Gods, Sandy Lender, fantasy novel, fantasy author, writers life

She's Not Well

I know that headline sounds like I'm getting ready to mock my little fantasy author, Sandy Lender, but I'm actually just preparing to share with you a day in the life of a fantasy writer. She awoke in pain today and is still typing away like a good little writer thirteen hours later. (No, that doesn't sound like a martyr, dear; that sounds like an idiot. Yes, neither is appealing.)

Turns out she has an infection that is in her kidney. She at least had the sense to go to a doctor to learn this. What surprises me is that she lied to the doctor to stay out of a hospital. So I'm in charge of watching for the symptoms that she promised she'd go back to the doctor with if she noticed them. (Why do I get the impression you'll lie to me as well?) I'm getting one of those wan smiles that means I'm being deceived. The good news is she's got medication to solve the problem. (Oh, and I have something to blog about. Nice.)

The point of this is that writers don't get to take a break because they feel "icky." If you wish to become financially solvent, you have to suck it up and finish the projects you've begun or find a different career. As her old band instructor used to say (what's a band instructor?), "no pain, no gain." He also said, "no guts, no glory." And those little truisms have taken my fantasy author far in life. (Personally, I think they should take her to bed to get some sleep, but there are two important projects to complete this evening.)

And that's a day in the life of a writer. Aren't you glad you stopped in? If you'd like to support the "becoming financially solvent" concept for fantasy author Sandy Lender, you can pick up a copy of the well-reviewed epic fantasy novel Choices Meant for Gods before the sequel hits the streets. It's available at your local book store, where you'll probably have to request/order it, and at the usual online locations. Visit http://www.amazon.com/Choices-Meant-Gods-Sandy-Lender/dp/1595071652/ref=cm_cd_t_h_dp_i/104-9089752-5140754 where you get a discount when you order both Choices Meant for Gods and Magic Bites by Ilona Andrews.

She Was Teasing the Pterodactyl

When I walked into the kitchen area this morning, I feared the look of mischief my fantasy author, Sandy Lender, had about her. Nothing good comes of such looks. I proceeded to back back out of the kitchen area, but she stopped me with "check out the bird."

Turns out she had given Petri, her pet bird, this dish of white pellets. Now, anyone who's been paying attention to her blogs knows that Petri hates the white pellets. You know this because I've pointed out how neurotic Sandy is for standing there picking out the white pellets before giving him his food in the mornings (as if you have time for this; just let the bird pick out the pieces he doesn't like on his own...), but she continues to do this so he doesn't have to. So today she handed him a dish full of just white pellets. Apparently, she's been saving them just for this little joke. The bird was completely bemused.

It took him a good three or four minutes of staring at the dish and dancing around it before he started throwing the pellets around the kitchen...

Sandy found it enormously funny. Petri seemed pleased with the joke, too, because he didn't bite her when she replaced it with his real food. (or he could have just been pleased at the extra treats she gave him for tolerating the abuse...not sure which)

And that's your dose of a writer's life for today. If you'd like to get her back to editing and writing instead of tormenting her bird, you could assist in the success of the first book, Choices Meant for Gods, available now at Barnes & Noble, where a new review has gone up today. Yes, the lovely and wonderful Laura Crawford posted a review that has Sandy jumping for joy...

Tags: Choices Meant for Gods, Sandy Lender, fantasy author, fantasy novel, pet bird

She's Swamped

My fantasy author is attempting to do too many things at once. What I find frustrating is how few of those things involve finishing my corrections for the sequel to the fantasy novel Choices Meant for Gods. You know, if she's going to get this second book in the trilogy out by the end of the year, she needs to get it turned in to her publisher...Anyone want to help me make that happen?

In the meantime, please enjoy these images from Sandy Lender's time at DragonCon last weekend. The first image is Sandy in the room with an archangel in the background taking her picture. The second picture is her and fantasy author M.B. Weston, who has a novel called A Prophecy Forgotten available at Amazon.com and ArcheBooks.com.

All my best,
Nigel

Tags: Choices Meant for Gods, Sandy Lender, M.B. Weston, A Prophecy Forgotten

She's Back

And still crazy. As you can see, my fantasy author, Sandy Lender, had a great time at DragonCon over Labor Day weekend. She met this thing called the Great Flying Spaghetti Monster (or at least someone dressed as it). She tried explaining it to me, and I was so distracted by the people walking around in their undergarments that I just couldn't grasp all the details of the Spaghetti Monster religion, so I can't really explain it here. But I understand you can search for it in Google and get quite an education...

Anyway, Sandy is back home, as am I, and she's back to work at her day job where they're frantically trying to send five magazines to the printer over the next couple of weeks. It looks insane to me and I've recommended she quit and just work on the new magazine she and some of her colleagues are starting. Seems there's something comforting about having an income and buying food that she'd rather not let go of...And that's the writer's life for today.

I'll put together something lovely to tell you all about DragonCon, because it really was an interesting experience. The parade was surreal. We have pictures that Sandy is sending with her article to www.fantasybookspot.com that you'll be able to see at some point later today. The administrators there will have that live shortly. She doesn't mention much about the book sales because they were fairly slow. When you're stuck in the back corner of the basement of the hotel where none of the celebrities are selling a $25 hardback book that no one's ever heard of, moving half a dozen is something to cheer over. Now everyone who didn't elect to lug it back in their suitcase will have to pay the cover price over at Amazon...at least they won't have to pay shipping.

All my best, everyone.
Nigel

Tags: Choices Meant for Gods, Sandy Lender, DragonCon

She Has Clothes Everywhere

The house looks like a tornado ripped through. You all should see this. I'm not sure if she's packing to go to DragonCon or if she's had some sort of seizure that involved throwing the contents of her closet across all flat surfaces... This is almost as bad as when she's planning to go to a Duran Duran concert somewhere. (I said almost; there was a qualifier...oooh, she's also fussy...)

So my fantasy author, Sandy Lender, is preparing to leave town for DragonCon, and, as her spokesperson, I thought it fitting I should tell the world what promotional and marketing ramifications this has on the sales of her epic fantasy novel Choices Meant for Gods.

None. She's wasting her money going to a four-day party. (I've just been assaulted.)

All right. I'll be a bit more charitable. Sandy Lender will be promoting her novel while at this event, but, because she's not speaking on any panels or doing any readings, she feels that the trip is going to be very expensive (financially speaking) for the gain she'll get out of it. No one knows who she is yet, and she's not sure how much that fact will change during the show. What she's excited about is the after-the-show press. You see, she's working with the administrators of www.fantasybookspot.com to cover the event (and when you ask her about that she starts prattling about journalism and news reporting and things I barely grasp, so it's best not to ask too many questions along that thread of thought) and she has a couple of web sites that wish to carry stories about her experience at the convention afterward, so she sees potential for exposure after-the-show. This makes her feel somewhat better about the outlay of cash upfront.

And she really is looking forward to carrying a sword around for four days. (I keep telling you it's not all fun and excitement. Do you even know how to swing...) I would like to suggest that no one stand within four feet of her if she's got it out. And if you'd like to read an interview about her level of sanity, just to reinforce my point here, you can visit http://www.mindunbound.com/blog/2007/08/interview_with_sandy_lender_an.html. That went live Monday.

And if you want to pick up a copy of Choices Meant for Gods prior to the convention, Amazon.com only has three copies in stock at the moment, although we understand they've ordered more. You can get a copy from her publisher's site at http://www.archebooks.com/BookIDX/Indexes/Fantasy/CMG/CMGDesc.htm pretty easily. Or if you'll be at DragonCon this weekend, you can pick up a copy more cheaply and without shipping fees from her dealer table, A98.

Have a lovely holiday weekend.
Nigel

Tags: Choices Meant for Gods, Sandy Lender, fantasy author, fantasy novel, DragonCon, Duran Duran

She's Cured me of Sleeping on Her Couch

I was jarred awake by the ear-splitting screech of the spider scream this morning. Just because I know what the particular pitch of that scream indicates doesn't make it any easier to be ripped from deep sleep with. It was a particularly large wolf spider. And my fantasy author, Sandy Lender, was particularly close to it when she noticed it. Hence the healthy-lung volume...

So now she has a dilemma. See, the carcass is curled up, still wet with bug spray...in her shower. This amuses me because she has this "thing" about leaving the carcasses for at least 24 hours (yes, she's OCD) to be sure it's completely dead before she gathers it up and throws it in the trash. But she can't use the shower until she gets rid of this thing. I've already suggested she use the guest shower, where her former significant other used to bathe, but she wrinkled her nose up at that. And she can't just rinse this thing down the drain. (I'm sure I've mentioned that the wolf spiders out here in the swamp get quite large? Oh, and she's adding in that this thing is enormous.)

Anyway, she's figuring out what to do with the body and I'm figuring out where I'll sleep from now on that won't be within scream-range. My nerves are shot for the day.

And speaking of the day, I'll be spending it coming up with marketing ideas for her DragonCon expedition at the end of the week. Those of you attending can meet her at the Dealer Room just about any time of day. She'll be pretty much chained to a table there pushing the fantasy novel, Choices Meant for Gods. If you're not attending, you can pick up the book at Amazon, where they're running low of copies at the moment, or at her publisher's site at http://www.archebooks.com/BookIDX/Indexes/Fantasy/CMG/CMGDesc.htm.

Tags: Choices Meant for Gods, Sandy Lender, DragonCon, fantasy author, fantasy novel