Thursday, April 19, 2007

She Might be Insane

When I caught her reading in the car again this morning and began chastising her, she reminded me that she's actually safer driving that way because the other motorists avoid people who multi-task. I guess some women don makeup while driving. I've yet to see Sandy Lender attempt such stupidity, thank goodness. (Oh, fantastic, she says you can poke an eye out if you hit a pothole. Well, one must have priorities, yes. I understand completely now.)

Back to my story: When she reminded me that reading in the car guarantees other drivers stay out of your lane, she then gave me one of those ridiculous grins that means she's about to irritate the living daylights out of me and said, "It's what I'm reading today that should send everyone skittering off into the ditches."

It was the car's manual.

A light she described as "squid-like" had appeared on the console and she wanted to know whether or not to worry about it (read: take the vehicle to a mechanic to find out if it signified something requiring money to fix was going wrong under the hood) or if she could just ignore it until the banks finish taking the house this summer. Personally, I'd rather she dealt with the car, but there's no one in this household but me who appears to give a flying...oh...pardon me...I'm being censored.

And now I must explain that the reason I know anything about cars is because the incident(s) with the brakes a couple months ago had me surfing the net to figure out how to keep her from killing herself driving around out there in your insane society. Are you people aware of just how close any of you came to being maimed by her? Rest assured, the brake situation was resolved...finally. She doesn't sound as intimidating when she pulls up to a stop light as she used to.

But the squid on the dash is troublesome...It's a shame she doesn't have someone like Oprah Winfrey (oh, yes, I had someone explain who Oprah Winfrey is and how an appearance on said program would somehow catapult the sales of Choices Meant for Gods into your stratosphere) promoting Choices at the moment because she could sure use the money from your society to get some things solved around here. But I'm under the impression that's every starving artist's plight.

So here's to all the writers getting their 15 minutes of fame with Oprah. I'd just like to see my author get there fairly soon. Until then, you can still get your copy of Choices Meant for Gods at (or your local book store)

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